fading away
by rawrchelle
Summary: Sasuke/Sakura. AU. "I don't care what drugs they injected you with. You are Sakura, and you are everything I value, so I'll do everything in my power to save you—whether you want it or not."
1. sporadic breaths

**dedication:** to all of the readers who review every time but i never reply to—Shubhs, arch-nsha, C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only, signalbox, QueenThayet12990, TigerLilyette, MyUsedRomance—and i know i'm missing a lot more. some of them go all the way back to when i was still posting _Dreams_—and that really is something. i hope you guys like this, because without you guys, i doubt i'd be writing as much as i do now. thank you.

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Shishou, we've found him! He's barely breathing, but he's still alive—"

(_thump. thump. thump._)

**Open your eyes. Please.  
****Can't you feel my hands against your heart?****  
Can't you feel me transfer my warmth to you?  
Can't you **_**feel**_** me?**

"Stabilize him, and then bring him back—"

"His heartbeat's fading—"

(_thump. thump. thump…_)

Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke.

Sasuke-kun.

_Sasuke-kun._

"Shizune! We need you over here!"

"Y-Yes!"

(_thump. thump…thum…p…_)

"Quick, more chakra—stop his bleeding—"

"Sasuke-kun, you can't die. I don't care if you're unconscious; you have to hear me. Don't die." _Please._

**You can't leave me when I'm like this.****  
You can't leave me when all I've been doing is waiting.  
You can't leave when you're what my heart beats for.**

(_thu…mp._)

"Sasuke—"

Slowly, she opened her eyes.

"…-kun."

* * *

She didn't know who he was.

In the world of black and white, she had no idea who he was. She couldn't remember his face, didn't know his significance—she didn't even know his name.

All she knew was that he was everything to her.

(_she had him on the tip of her tongue—scalding, almost—but she could never put her finger on it._)

When she woke up, she lay there for a long while, wondering what kind of dream she had. It _was_ a dream, she knew—even if she couldn't remember what it was about. Because every time she had a dream, she woke up feeling empty, feeling like she was missing something—

But she was always missing something. She always _had_ been missing something.

She got out of bed and stepped onto the freezing cement floor, before trudging through her morning routine. A hot shower, a cold breakfast, and out the door.

Ready for another day.

(_because all she could ever do was continue on. all she could ever do was survive._)

In the world of black and white, all she knew was that she was—

**

* * *

**

**F****  
A****  
D  
****I  
****N  
G**

**A****  
W  
****A  
Y**

* * *

The place was eerily empty; old and decomposing, but still sterile and reeking of antiseptic. The beds were scarce with only one thin blanket each, the blue of the fabric faded away. The tile floor was scratched with decades of use, and the lights on the ceiling flickered.

(_step. step. step._)

There was a desk in the far corner, with paper scattered all over it. If one looked closely, he'd find scribbled notes and descriptions in the margins and crossed-out feelings that didn't matter anymore. There was a cabinet on the other side of the room, filled with bottles and gauze and everything else a standard doctor would need.

But this place wasn't standard, and neither was she.

(_she never saw the sunlight. she lived in a place where even hope didn't dare reach—_)

Today was an important day. At least, that was what the calendar on the wall said. She wasn't exactly sure why.

She had scars on her arms and hands, and one running along the side of her face that was hidden by her hair. She was thin and she was empty and if someone was to look at her, that person would think that she was jaded and broken and impossible to fix.

(_step. step. creak._)

Standing in front of the opening door was a pink-haired woman with dull green eyes, who used to (_used to, used to, used to_) have a name.

Used to.

(_she didn't exist anymore._)

* * *

"_Can you feel anything?"_

_She tilted her head to the side._

"_What's feeling?"_

* * *

"_You're illegal."_

Those were the first words she heard when she came into this world. She was born into this black-and-white world at the age of twenty-three, and that was her first memory.

(_illegal, illegal, illegal._)

She was the product of an experiment. A stolen premature fetus that was cared for, until she was old enough for them to safely inject her with drugs of all kinds, in attempt to kill a part of her brain. She was a lab rat, experimented on to create the perfect human robot.

(_perfect. but she found that she was never perfect._)

Today was an important day.

She walked behind a man with dark eyes and dark hair—_Itachi_, they called him—they whispered his name behind closed doors, and every time she heard it, she'd feel a shiver run down her spine, but she wasn't exactly sure why. Perhaps it was an unnecessary instinct that they hadn't gotten rid of.

"You're going to meet my younger brother," he had told her. "And from now on, you're his."

"His?"

"Yes. You're his."

(_his. his. she was a possession._)

Their footsteps echoed in the cold and empty hallway, only lit dimly by yellow lights. She played with her fingers. "Itachi-sama, I'm out of anesthetic—"

"Then don't use it."

"But the patients—"

"They are not patients, Doctor." That was her name. Doctor. That was what she went by, what she responded to. "They are experiments."

(_but was she really a doctor when she didn't even see patients?_)

"They're in pain," she protested. He didn't look back once.

"And why do you care? You're not the one feeling it."

(_in truth, she didn't like it when they screamed. she didn't like it when they begged her to make it stop. when even the grown men began crying like children._)

She was quiet after that, until they reached the main room—sparsely furnished with some couches, armchairs, and tables. It was the most luxurious room in the entire place, but she rarely got to spend time in it. She wasn't one of _them_.

(_they referred to themselves as the "akatsuki"—dangerous, prowling, and waiting to get you._)

Sitting in one of the armchairs was a man, and even in the dim light, she could make out his appearances fairly well. Her eyes were built for that.

He was a breathtaking man. He looked similar to Itachi; dark hair and dangerous eyes, with an unforgettable face and poised figure. When he saw them approach, he stood up, expression unreadable.

"She's all yours," Itachi said. "Do with her as you wish."

The other man looked at him evenly. "Tch. You always give me the defects."

"This one lasted longer, you must admit." And when Itachi disappeared, they were the only ones left.

The man held out his hand, and she took it automatically. (_warm hands._) "I'm Uchiha Sasuke."

She nodded.

His expression remained blank. "Who are you?"

She stared emptily at him. For some unknown reason, her bottom lip trembled.

(_you're illegal. you're flawless. you don't exist._)

"Who am I?"

She flinched when he raised a hand and took a lock of her hair between his fingers. Because every time someone made a move to touch her, it was to hit her, to hurt her, to tell her she had done something wrong.

But his touch didn't hurt.

(_she could barely feel it. it almost wasn't there._)

"Your name," he said slowly, "will be Sakura."

"Sakura," she repeated.

"For your hair. It's the exact color of cherry blossoms."

"Cherry blossoms?"

(_they sounded sweet. light. warm._)

His brows furrowed, only by a fraction. "When was the last time you left this place?"

Pause. "I don't know."

The man—his name was Uchiha Sasuke, she had to remind herself; the brother of Uchiha Itachi; just as beautiful, and equally dangerous—merely looked at her for a long moment, before pursing his lips and saying, "Show me your working quarters."

And so she led him back down the empty hallway and to her small clinic—but it wasn't really a clinic, because all she ever did was amputate and terminate.

Uchiha Sasuke walked around the place, assessing the area. "Is there anything of importance here that'd you'd like to bring with you? I'd like to take you to your new office right away. You're moving, too, so make sure to take all of your belongings."

She blinked. "I'm moving?"

"Yes. I'm not letting you stay here."

(_in this dark, damp place that always gave her goosebumps. in this place that she only associated pain and blood and death to. and perhaps…_

_perhaps hell._)

* * *

(_thump…thump…thump…_)

"Naruto, get out of the way!"

"Sakura-chan, he's alive, right? You're taking him to surgery, right?"

"Yeah, but if you don't get out of the way, he might die—so move!"

**Don't stop breathing.****  
Whatever you do, don't stop breathing.  
****My heart still beats for you.  
So please—have yours beat for me?**

(_th-thump…th…thump…_)

"Part of his heart is smashed—it's a miracle he's still alive at all—"

"But that means he wants to live, right? Sasuke-kun wants to live?"

No answer.

"Keep the seal going! An minor disturbances in your chakra could kill him!"

Please. Please. Please.

_Live._

* * *

It was a different light.

Her new home was grand. She was told that the entire building was the Uchiha Mansion; marble floors and grand staircases and chandeliers and all things that represented wealth.

But none of this fascinated her.

What caught her attention were the windows.

(_the grass. the sun. the sky._)

She had never seen anything like it before, other than in her medical books. And even then, the pictures were limited.

It was all so…bright.

Every morning, she would wake up in her double-sized bed, lying in the soft pillows an underneath a warm comforter. And every morning, she would look over to the window to her left, hidden by the white curtains.

Every morning, she would pull open the curtains and stare outside in wonder.

(_there were colors. it wasn't just black and white anymore._)

She worked primarily in the basement. Her workplace there was cleaner than the one before; there were fluorescent lights and a carpeted floor; the beds for the patients (Sasuke had to correct her when she said _experiments_) were cleaned daily, and she had a wider range of medical tools.

She still had messed up experiments—_patients_—but instead of amputating or terminating, she was now fixing.

It was a new word. Fixing.

For the first week, she spent most of her time in the library. Sasuke told her to. There was an expanse of books, medical and non-medical. Novels, dictionaries, encyclopedias—

(_it was like a haven to her._)

Sasuke was out for most of the day. He often returned a little before she went to bed (she was staying up later and later now, immersing herself in books upon books upon books), but he would occasionally be back before dinner. And if he was, he'd cook for the both of them.

(_she had never been a good cook. it was always some raw vegetables in the fridge for her._)

And they'd eat together.

(_in silence, but it was a sort of peace that she had never known before._)

And it was soon that she realized that it felt like she wasn't missing so much anymore. When she woke up in the mornings, she felt content.

Even if she did have a dream.

* * *

"_Can you smile?"_

"_What's a smile?"_

_He reached out to pull at the corner of her lips. "Something like that."_

"_No, I don't think I've ever done it before."_

"_That's unnatural, you know."_

_She looked at him curiously. "But you don't do it either."_

* * *

She stared longingly at the window. "May I go outside?"

Sasuke didn't look up from his newspaper. "No."

They always had breakfast together. Sakura would wake up at a certain time, look out the window, shower, and then come down for a hot breakfast. Sometimes, it was toast, sometimes, eggs—and sometimes, she was lucky, and they'd have waffles or pancakes.

Being with Sasuke was like an adventure.

(_always something new. always something exciting._)

She looked at him curiously. "But you go outside every day."

"You and I are different, I hope you know."

She did know. She knew how she was the ugly duckling and he was the swan (she had read the children's book in the library), how she knew nothing and he knew everything, how she belonged to him, and not to herself.

But she couldn't go outside because of that?

"How does the sun feel?" she asked, squirting some ketchup onto her scrambled eggs. (She really liked ketchup.) "And the wind?"

(_she could speak out in front of sasuke. she could ask questions. she could learn._)

"The sun is warm." He put down his newspaper, and finished his coffee.

"Like your hands?"

He paused and looked at her. He liked to do that a lot. "Yes," he finally said. "Like my hands."

"And the wind?"

"The wind…" He trailed off and stood up. "Come here." He brought her to a nearby window. He opened it, and stood back for her to peek her head out of it. A breeze rolled by, and she froze.

She couldn't quite describe it, but—

(_it felt like life._)

She reluctantly stepped away from the window when she felt Sasuke's hand on her arm. "May I open the windows when you're gone?"

He shut the window and locked it with a definite click. "No."

Because she was the ugly duckling, and he was the swan.

But even the ugly duckling grew into something beautiful.

* * *

"_Sasuke-sama, where is your family?"_

"_I don't have one."_

"_But isn't Itachi-sama your family?"_

_He paused. "No, he's not."_

* * *

Her first patient was a man missing an eye.

Her job was to fix. That was all Sasuke said. He told her to read the books, remember what they said, and apply it to her patients. He said that doctors were supposed to fix, not destroy.

"Do you feel any pain?" she asked.

(_because if he did, she had anesthetic. she could numb it._)

He pointed to his empty eye socket. "Here," he said gruffly. "Hurts like a bitch. And my ankle, too."

She gave him some morphine, and then bandaged his eye. She placed his foot into a cast. She gave him a bottle of painkillers to take on a normal basis. She escorted him out of the room and to the patients' quarters. There were rooms upon rooms in the basement, most likely branching out and away from the mansion—all empty, but would begin to fill up, Sasuke had told her. And when the man wobbled into his own private quarters, he held up his bottle of pills to her.

"Thanks, hon'."

And it was so strange, because it was the first time anyone had ever thanked her. She stood there for a long moment, trying to comprehend what was happening to her, because it felt like her heart was swelling up, and her lips wanted to curve in this unnatural way—

(_was she smiling?_)

"You're…" She breathed in. "You're welcome."

And he disappeared into his room.

And even as she scribbled onto her clipboard_ missing eye, broken ankle, discharge: two weeks_ and tacked it to his door, the giddy feeling in her stomach didn't recede.

(_because it almost felt like there was hope._)

**

* * *

notes:** lo and behold, my new fic that i've been working on for the past month! for some reason, i feel like you guys are going to like this.

i know this is not that good, but it's the first chapter. IT GETS BETTER, I SWEAR. D:


	2. muted screams

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Sasuke-kun?"

"…Sakura."

"I've missed you."

**Everything feels so right when I'm with you.****  
Can't you feel it?  
Can't you feel **_**anything**_**?**

"…Hn."

"Just so you know, once you're discharged, Naruto's going to be all over you."

"Speak for yourself first."

"…What?"

**I saved your life.  
****I saved your heart.  
I saved **_**you**_**.  
Why won't you do the same for me?**

"Stop hovering around me like a fly."

"But—but I'm not—"

"Stop visiting me every day. It gets annoying."

"I—I'm sorry." _I'm sorry._

Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun. Sasuke—

_**I'm so sorry.**_

(_thump. thump._

…_thump._)

* * *

"You said to Itachi-sama…that he made you take all of the defects."

He was working at his desk, and she was in there with him, sitting on the couch with a thick textbook on her lap. He had his glasses on; black and fully framed. She thought they looked very good on him.

"Yes, I take the defects."

"Does that mean that…I'm a defect?" Defects were those who were imperfect. Those who had flaws. Those who weren't good enough.

(_she wasn't good enough._)

He only glanced at her for a moment, above the rim of his glasses, before returning to his papers. "Yes."

She swallowed. "Oh." She returned to her textbook, but the words and diagrams on the page weren't quite registering in her mind anymore.

(_she was never good enough._)

It was silent in the room for a very long time; Sasuke was working, and she was studying. Despite the fact that he was much kinder than Itachi, or any other member of Akatsuki, that didn't mean that she could freely speak to him like a friend.

He still owned her.

"Sakura." She looked up at him, and he took off his glasses, rubbing his temples. "It's true that defects are the ones who went wrong. But…"

She held her breath.

"…That also means you're human."

**

* * *

F  
****A  
****D  
****I  
****N  
G**

**AWAY**

* * *

The man pointed his thumb at himself. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto!"

She pressed her lips together in a way that she thought was a smile. "I'm Sakura."

(_he was so bright. loud. happy. everything she wasn't._)

He grinned. "Oi, Sasuke, I'm taking her out, okay? We'll be back before tonight!"

And her eyes widened, because _being taken out_ would mean that she'd be _going outside_, and _going outside_ would mean feeling the sun on her skin, feeling the wind in her hair, seeing normal people and experiencing the world—

Sasuke glared at the blonde. "No."

Naruto slumped his shoulders. "C'mon, teme, it'll be okay—I'll be with her the entire time—"

"That's what I'm concerned about."

"Teme—"

"Naruto." Sasuke's voice was icy, and Sakura instinctively stepped back. She had never pushed Sasuke this far before, because he was in control of her life. She had never seen him like this, because she had always listened to him. This Sasuke was frightening. "She is _illegal_. She isn't supposed to _exist_."

(_she didn't exist. she didn't exist. she didn't exist._)

The blonde was quiet for a long moment, before sighing and ruffling the back of his head. "Sorry, Sakura-chan," he said sheepishly. "Not today."

(_sakura-chan?_)

Her face fell considerably. She thought Sasuke noticed, but when she glanced over at him, he had already returned to his work.

* * *

"_Is that a flower?"_

"_Yes."_

_She thought for a moment. "A daisy?"_

"_Yes."_

"_May I pick it?"_

"_Yes."_

_She stared at it in wonder as she plucked it from the ground. Then she tucked it into her hair like they did in one of the books she read._

"_Am I pretty?"_

_Sasuke sighed. "Yes."_

* * *

Her eyes scanned the room, quickly assessing the situation. Finally, she pulled her hair back into a ponytail, and set to work.

The one with the gash across his chest would be dealt with first. Then the woman with wide eyes and a crazed expression. Then the one with the mangled arm.

(_they were all defects. they were all ones that had gone wrong._

_they were all human._)

The one with the gash across his chest was unconscious from the blood loss. She didn't have any extra blood to give him—and even if she did, she wouldn't know if it would match, because she didn't know his blood type. She unconsciously gritted her teeth as she tied the bandages tightly together—

(_the wound was so, so deep. what did they do to him?_)

Her eyes widened when blood spurt all over her. Her hands stopped moving, and she stared at him.

She stared at her patient.

(_because he was a patient, he was not an experiment, and he was a human and he _mattered_—_)

Slowly, she raised a bloody hand and pressed it to his neck. There was no pulse. She could only guess that his fragile heart couldn't handle the pressure that she was putting on his chest.

He was dead.

She felt something similar to a cold dread wash over her, so she quickly moved to the next one. The woman's eyes flitted across the room, never stopping, and when Sakura asked her if anything hurt, and how she was feeling, she opened her mouth and released a high-pitched scream.

"Please, calm down," Sakura said, placing her hands gently on the woman's shoulders—but that only triggered something, and her patient launched herself at her.

She was slammed into the wall, the woman's grimy hands tight around her neck. She couldn't breathe, the woman was still screaming, and it felt like her shoulder was dislocated. She struggled against the woman, but there was something about those dark eyes; how hollow they were, how lifeless they seemed—she lost her strength at the sight of those eyes.

(_they were the eyes she used to have._)

When it felt like her lungs caught fire and she absolutely, _absolutely_ needed air, everything went black.

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"The sunset's pretty from here, isn't it?"

"Hn."

**If I could, I'd follow you everywhere.****  
If I could, I'd save you from yourself.****  
If I could, I'd show you what love is.  
If I could.**

"Do you think of him sometimes? Itachi, I mean."

"Just because I'm not telling you to back off doesn't mean that I like you."

"I…I know."

(_breathe. breathe. breathe._)

Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke.

Sasuke-kun.

"My feelings haven't changed, you know."

"And my answer hasn't changed."

(_breathe. breathe—_)

**I still don't know what you thanked me for.****  
If you're thanking me for my love, I don't deserve it.****  
If you're thanking me for my help, I didn't help you.  
I was too stupid and naïve to help you.**

"I know."

"Then stop acting like you don't—"

"It's not that, Sasuke-kun." _It's never that._ "It's just that I've got this stupid notion…"

**If you're thanking me for just being there—**

"…that if I repeat myself enough, you'll…"

—**then you're welcome.**

"You'll love me back."

(_…breathe._)

* * *

Green eyes slowly blinked open. "S…Sasuke-sama."

He had pulled a chair to the side of her bed, and was reading a book.

(_despite being busy, he was always there._)

"I fixed your shoulder," he said blankly, "but you suffered from a minor head injury as well. Does it hurt?"

She swallowed, but her throat was dry. "Just a little." Her voice was raspy.

(_pain didn't hurt if it was all you'd ever felt._)

"Hn." He shut the book, and pulled something from his belt. It was a familiar object—she had seen it on several occasions before she met him. "From now on, keep this with you at all times." He placed it on her bedside table, and left the room.

It was a gun.

* * *

"_You should try smiling."_

_Her brows furrowed in concentration as she forced her lips upward. "It's hard. I can't."_

"_It's simple. Just do this." When she looked at him, a ghost of a smile passed his lips._

_That immediately triggered a smile of her own, but unlike his, hers reached her eyes._

* * *

She stayed in bed for the rest of the day, drifting in and out of sleep.

She didn't want to read. She didn't want to eat. She didn't even want to stare longingly out the window, imagining the breeze on her skin.

She just wanted to sleep.

Sleep, and dream.

Because she knew that when she dreamed, things were finally right. When she dreamed, she had a life of sunshine and friends and smiles and everything that she'd never had—she had happiness and she had freedom and she had—

She had him.

She wanted to sleep, because even now, her dreams were better than reality.

She didn't know who he was, but she did know that he was everything to her.

The sun was setting when Sasuke came to check up on her. She was staring idly at the gun on her bedside table, untouched since he left it there for her. Her half-lidded eyes met his when he opened the door. "Dinner was ready an hour ago."

He had came back early enough for dinner.

(_she wasn't there to eat with him. she disobeyed him._)

Her eyes shut tightly when he walked towards her. He was going to hit her. He was going to yell at her the way Itachi often did, when she did something wrong. He was going to call her ungrateful and useless, because for the first time in a long time that he had made time for her, she wasn't there—

The bed moved slightly when he sat on the edge of it. "Are you feeling better?"

Disbelief flooded her as she cautiously cracked open an eye. "Yes," she answered, sinking further into her covers.

"Are you hungry?"

She curled into herself as a form of protection. "Yes." But he wasn't going to give her dinner now, because she missed her chance.

(_itachi was always like that. always._)

He looked at her for a long moment, before his gaze shifted to the gun. "Do you know how to use it?"

"No," she said quietly. "I'm sorry—I'll study it tomorrow, I promise." He was quiet again for a long while.

(_he always chose his words with care. with caution._)

A sigh left his thin lips, and he stood up, leaving the room. He didn't even bother to close the door behind her. She was left with a chill, and she pulled her covers tighter around herself.

She had disappointed him.

He came back a few minutes later with a tray.

There was food on the tray. Her eyes widened a little at the realization.

It was her dinner.

"Sit up," he instructed her. She scrambled to do so, because he had taken the time to warm up her dinner for her and even bring it to her, and she couldn't do anything else that'd displease him, because he'd take that gun beside her and shoot her right then and there—"I know you're left-handed, and your shoulder is still sore. I'll…" He paused. "I'll feed you."

"Feed me…?"

(_like a patient. like a child. like someone that needs to be taken care of._

_he was taking care of her._)

It was a simple stew, but she found that it was the best thing she had ever tasted.

* * *

"_Sasuke-sama?"_

"_It's past midnight, Sakura. Why are you still up?"_

_She crawled into the couch that she often sat in while he was working. "I can't sleep. I can't…dream."_

"_Sometimes, dreaming isn't a nice thing."_

"_It's nice for me." Her lips curved into the smallest of smiles. "My dreams are…nice."_

"_Nice?"_

"_They make me feel…free."_

_She drifted off on the couch._

_Free._

* * *

The gun always pressed against her side, on her belt. Sasuke told her to use it in case one of the patients attacked her the way that woman did.

(_the woman who was now dead. sasuke killed her._)

Her arm was set in a sling, waiting for her shoulder to get better. The back of her head was still a little sore, but she was well enough to walk about the house and check up on the patients that were waiting to be discharged.

(_discharged into the world. into the place that she could never go to._)

She never knew where they went; she would give Sasuke the room numbers and dates that their residents had to be discharged, and that night, they would disappear. Before she went to bed, they'd be there—and when she woke up, they'd be gone.

Sasuke took them somewhere, and she wanted to know where.

She wanted to go to the same place as them.

Naruto was visiting again. Naruto visited a lot—especially on weekends, when Sasuke didn't have to work.

He liked ramen, she had observed. He would always bring three cup ramen when he came over, so they could have it for lunch. And then he introduced her to video games, because "teme wouldn't let her outside".

"She's so pale, Sasuke. Look at her! She's like a freakin' vampire."

She glanced down at her arms. So pale.

(_naruto was so tan. a sign that he was outside a lot. enjoyed the sun a lot. laughed a lot. smiled a lot._)

"Sasuke-sama is pale too," she pointed out.

Naruto laughed. "Yeah, 'cause teme avoids the sun like the plague. He thinks he's going to melt under it, or something."

Sakura flinched as her character died in the game. It was game over for her. She found that she wasn't good with these games—ones where she had to walk around and shoot everything that was coming at her.

It was frightening enough as it was to hold a gun in a game—how frightening would it be to hold a real one and shoot it at a real person?

Sasuke, who was sitting on the couch, sighed and shut his book. "Sakura." She turned to him, ready for any kind of instructions.

(_because for him, she would. for the man who treated her like a patient, like a human—she would._)

"Would you like to go outside?"

It took a moment for his words to sink in, because _going outside_ was a concept so foreign to her, so out of reach that she had completely ruled out the possibility of it ever happening. Her breath caught in her throat, and even Naruto sat still for a moment.

"But—I'm illegal…"

"We'll go in the backyard," he said, taking off his glasses and placing them on a nearby table. "It'll be fine as long as I'm there."

It was the first time she had fully and consciously smiled.

She almost tripped over herself in excitement to leave the mansion. Naruto was running with her, holding her hand and pulling her to what she had longed to feel ever since she could remember—

They sat in the large yard, breathing in the air and finding ladybugs and watching Naruto attempt to catch some grasshoppers.

And the sun. The sun was so warm on her pale, pale skin, and she couldn't quite describe it—but if the wind felt like life, then—

Then the sun felt like love.

**

* * *

a/n:** some people have asked me questions that i would love to answer, but it'd kind of ruin the plot. so i'll keep it a secret. :)

and sorry for not updating for so long—the moment i posted the first chapter, i lost inspiration. i finally got off my ass and finished about chapter six, or something, so i'll post this. that, and i have exams. exams suck. they make my life suck. yeah, i'm kind of depressed right now. life sucks. (and don't worry—this fic will get depressing soon, too.)

feedback would be greatly appreciated.


	3. hushed steps

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"What's going on—"

(_gasp. crash. scream._)

"It's Akatsuki! We're under attack!"

"Iruka, gather your chuunin and evacuate the villagers!"

"Sakura-chan, Sasuke, let's go!"

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Sasuke-kun?"

**Are you going to fight with us?****  
Now that Itachi is gone, will you fight with us?  
Fight **_**for**_** us?**

"Teme, come on! We're going to die if you stand there thinking—"

"Naruto, there is no way I'm letting you out on the front lines—"

"Baa-chan, I'll be fine—"

Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun.

Sasuke?

"Sasuke-kun, come on, _please_." _Please._ "We need you."

**All we've ever done was try to save you.****  
Try to help you.  
All I've ever done was love you.  
If not for me, for them?**

(_crash. jerk—_)

"Sasuke! Will you, or will you not fight for Konoha?"

"Oi, teme, c'mon! This isn't a time for your stupid revenge moments!"

"Sasuke-kun, please, you have to do this—"

**Just this once. Please. Please.**_**  
Please.**_

(_thump. thump. thump._)

(_…quiet._)

* * *

During the day, when Sasuke was gone, she had limited things to do.

1. Check up on patients.  
2. Eat.  
3. Sleep.  
4. Practice _Resident Evil_, and hope that she survived longer than Naruto (for once).

New patients always came with Sasuke. He took the defects personally from Akatsuki, before delivering them back here.

Today, Sakura decided to do some minimal exploring.

The kitchen was a place she often avoided, because the last time she tried to make something relatively easy (coffee, to be exact) back when she was with Akatsuki, the pot overflowed, and she got into some major trouble.

(_at that time, itachi wasn't around, but she almost wished he was. because deidara was the one who punished her._)

But she felt safer here. In a place where only she and Sasuke were, it felt like mistakes were okay. Mistakes were fine. Mistakes were part of the learning process.

She found some packets in the cupboard that said _hot chocolate_.

(_it sounded warm and sweet and homey. it didn't sound like sasuke._)

She turned one of the packets around and found instructions. She didn't know this, but her eyes shone a little brighter, because she could follow instructions very well, and went about to make this hot chocolate, and see if it really was warm and sweet and homey.

In an approximate time of ten minutes, she had a mug of steaming hot chocolate. And there was this swelling in her stomach—

(_pride?_)

—this indescribable feeling that just made her so…content with herself. Satisfied. She drank from the cup, burning her tongue in the process, but—

But it tasted like happiness.

She sat at the island in the middle of the kitchen, sipping at her hot chocolate happily. (It was her new favorite drink, she decided. Not that she ever had a favorite drink.)

Just as she finished, and was washing her cup in the sink, she heard the front door open. A feeling bubbled at the bottom of her stomach—she identified it to be _excitement_—and she hurried to finish washing it so she could tell Sasuke about her new discovery.

(_because sasuke would listen. sasuke would raise his eyebrow amusedly, and put a hand on her head._)

But the person at the front door wasn't Sasuke. He was very similar to Sasuke, but not Sasuke.

This person made her stand up straight and cringe every time he made a major movement.

Itachi.

(_the person who made her wipe her mind and forget all emotions._)

"Itachi-sama," she immediately greeted, almost on instinct. She bowed her head and stepped to the side so he could walk past her.

There was a long silence, and she peered up at him. His dark eyes were on her, calculating, inspecting, before he finally nodded. "Doctor," he greeted, before making his way further into the mansion.

She waited for a few moments before straightening up and releasing a sigh.

That was right. She didn't belong to him anymore—he couldn't control her anymore. Before she had a chance to bump into him again, she hurried to her room.

(_it was so strange, because she had never felt fear towards itachi. only indifference—because until she met sasuke, she never knew what feelings were. until she met sasuke, she didn't realize that she was afraid of itachi._)

She stayed in her room for the rest of the day, becoming acquainted with the feeling known as _fear_.

**

* * *

FADING**

**A W A Y**

* * *

There was a knock on her door a little before midnight. She mumbled a _come in_ from her bed, but she was sure the person on the other side couldn't hear her.

He came in anyway.

(_he always did._)

She lay there, unmoving, underneath the covers. Her eyes were half-lidded, mind devoid of thoughts—the way it was before she met Sasuke. It was warm and comfortable here—she didn't want to move. It'd be okay if she spent the rest of her life here.

"I have some new patients," he told her tonelessly, leaning against her doorframe. "Some are in pretty bad shape."

She inhaled deeply before pulling herself from the warm confines of her soft, soft bed. "Okay." She walked passed him without another word. Her feet felt strangely heavy—kind of like she was dragging them with her as she made her way down into the basement. She wasn't sure if she felt safe here anymore—she never knew what might be lurking around the corner. Itachi? Deidara? Some other Akatsuki member?

Another patient, ready to strangle her?

She didn't notice that Sasuke had followed her, and was watching her work until she turned around to throw some gauze out. A thought crossed her mind, and as she moved to the next patient, she spoke.

"I made hot chocolate today."

He sounded vaguely amused. "Did you."

"Yeah. It tasted…really good." She paused. "Sweet."

"Naruto probably stashed it there for later when I wasn't looking. I don't drink hot chocolate."

"I've never seen you eat sweets," she said. "But you really like tomatoes."

(_those red things he ate the way naruto ate ramen. he made them look so delicious._)

"You observe a lot."

"It's the only thing I really know how to do." She placed her hands gingerly on the ankle of her patient. "I'm going to reset your bone, so it will hurt." Without warning, she set the bones straight, and the man grunted, his face scrunching up. She flinched with him. "Sorry."

"Fuckin' bitch," she heard him mutter under his breath.

(_loathing her, hating her, like they always did, although she never knew what she did wrong._)

"You're in room eleven. Can you find your way, or would you like me to take you there?"

"I can get there myself, _thanks_." The sarcasm in his voice was painfully obvious. She backed away a little as he limped out of the room.

That was the last one. Suddenly remembering, she shuffled to the desk in the corner and retrieved a piece of paper. "Here's the new list." She handed it to him, and he quickly scanned through it, dark eyes running up and down, before he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

She waited for a moment before asking. "May I come with you the next time you send them away?" When he didn't answer, she persisted. "It'll be at night, and no one will see me! I'll even cover my hair and stuff." He still didn't answer. He was thinking about it, she thought. "Please?"

Finally, he sighed. "Fine. I'm going tonight, actually, so you might not want to sleep."

She smiled a little—

(_because she was never sure how to smile completely_)

—and continued to clean up her working area with antiseptic, quite cheerily.

* * *

"_Sasuke-sama, do you remember when you asked me if I knew how to feel?"_

_There was a way that he looked at her that she couldn't quite place. "Yes."_

"_I think I can feel now." A small smile graced her lips._

_His eyes never left her._

"You_ make me feel."_

* * *

Trucks were fascinating. They were big and noisy, and you could place people into the back.

She stared through the windows at the outside world; the streetlights, the different types of cars on the roads, the signs, the people on the sidewalks—she had never seen these things before, and she found all of it captivating.

(_and it was all possible because of him._)

They drove for well over an hour, until the city lights melted away into darkness. Soon, she became a little bored of staring out the window to see only darkness, and eventually dozed off. She only woke up when Sasuke shook her shoulder lightly.

The night air was chilly—something she had never experienced before—and when she looked up at the sky, she was surprised to find that the clouds were gone.

"What are those?" she asked Sasuke, pointing skywards.

He momentarily followed her gaze. "Stars."

"And that's the moon?"

"Yes."

She could see water. The sea, she concluded. The air was damp and salty, and she savored it.

Meanwhile, Sasuke went to a nearby warehouse, and exchanged a few words with a man. After signing some papers, both of them came back and opened the back of the truck, allowing her patients to come out.

There was a small boat roped to the dock. One by one, they stepped onto it. Sakura watched silently as the last one boarded, and they were taken away by the man.

"Where do they go?" she asked Sasuke.

He was silent for a moment. "To a better place," he finally answered.

"Will I go there one day?"

(_hope._)

He turned so he looked at her, but she couldn't quite make out his expression in the dark. "Do you want to go?"

She considered this for a moment. "Will you come with me?"

"No."

Her lips curved downward a little (a frown, she told herself—she was frowning). "I don't know, then." She didn't know what it was like in that "better place", but life with Sasuke right now was a nice one, in comparison to life with Akatsuki. Life with Itachi.

He looked at her for a long moment, as if contemplating something, but only gestured her to get back into the truck.

Neither said a word the entire way back.

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"It's…gone."

(_silence._)

"Sakura."

(_inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale._)

"Konoha—Konoha's gone."

**Everything I had ever worked for.  
Everything I had ever strived to protect—  
Gone, in the blink of an eye.**

"_Sakura._"

"Sasuke-kun—" _Listen to me._ "Do you hear me? Konoha's _gone_. Naruto—Naruto's missing."

"Breathe, Sakura."

(_thump, thump, thump—_)

"There's no _time_ to breathe—how can I breathe when everything is _gone_—"

**My best friend's missing.  
My mentor is in a coma.  
My friends are injured. Some are dead.**_**  
And I did nothing to help them.**_

"Sakura, _look at me_."

Exhale. "Sasuke-kun."

(_thump, thump, thumpthumpthump—_)

**Give me something to believe.  
Give me a reason to keep walking.**

(_inhale…_)

"I'm still here."

(_…exhale._)

* * *

"Can you keep a secret?" She nodded. She could do anything Sasuke told her to.

They were standing in the middle of the kitchen, just after breakfast. He gestured for her to stand back, and she did so.

"For some odd reason, I can do this." He set his hands into numerous different odd patterns, before placing one right around his mouth. She waited, anxious to see what he was doing.

And then he made a small ball of fire.

He blew fire. Sasuke could blow fire.

"That's not possible," she said, even though it happened right before her eyes. "I've read nearly all of the medical books in your library—I've never read anything about breathing fire."

(_sasuke was always different._)

"That's because it's not supposed to be possible," he said simply. "But it is."

"How…?"

"I've been having dreams for a long time, now. Years, actually." He sat down at the kitchen table, and she took the seat beside him. "They started when I was a teenager, but they've become more prominent. Almost like…a story. Each dream happens chronologically from the last one."

She wanted to say something, but didn't know what. Should she tell him that she had dreams too? But she didn't remember any of them. She never did.

"But for some reason, in my dreams…you've always been in there."

She looked at him in surprise. "Me?"

(_he dreamt of her._)

"Sakura." He face was so expressionless. "I want to know you better. I don't believe in spirits, and I'm not religious or superstitious—but this is right in front of me, and I want to find out more."

"Is that why you kept me?" She swallowed. "Because you dreamt of me?"

"Yes."

He never kept her because of her medical skills. He never kept her because he wanted to care for her.

He kept her because he wanted to find out more about himself.

She pressed her lips tightly together, feeling emotions well up in her stomach. They didn't feel like nice emotions, so she wiped her mind clean, her face just as blank as his.

Without a word, she left the room.

* * *

"_Sasuke-sama…?"_

"_You fell asleep on the couch again."_

_She sighed, and rested her head against his shoulder as he carried her bridal style back to her room. "I'm sorry."_

"_It's fine. Did you have a bad dream?"_

"_I…don't remember." She never remembered._

"_I see."_

"_Why?"_

"_You were crying."_

* * *

Sasuke looked up from his desk, glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. "Are you still angry with me?"

And it felt like she was. Every time she saw him, she felt this irritating burn, like she wanted to break something—preferably his face. But she'd never do that—her life depended on him. But that didn't stop her from feeling.

(_didn't stop her from being human._)

She tried to keep her dignity. Chin held high, she fought to keep back tears.

"I dream, too."

**

* * *

notes:** i think it's safe to say that not everything in this fic can be considered "real". i suppose it borders fantasy? or whatever. it's "magical surrealism", ooh! (sorry, that's linked to a lot of stuff in my english class lately.)

i wasn't planning to update this for a while, but it's sakura's birthday today! (plus, it's finally spring break for me. MAYBE I CAN SLEEP NOW. and write more.)


	4. calm heartbeats

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"What do we do now? Where do we go?"

Silence.

"We can always search for Naruto."

Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun.

Sasuke-kun?

"You're willing to do that?"

**Why is that your human side only comes out when I'm almost gone?  
Why do you only give in when I'm cracked and on the verge of shattering?**

"I have…nothing left."

_Sasuke-kun._

"Don't touch me, Sakura."

(_warmth. sniff. tears._)

"You still have me."

(_exhale._)

_You still have me._

* * *

Sasuke strictly had his weekends off. Most of the time, though, he'd just stay in his office and do paperwork. It appeared that his job included many legal documents. She would usually be checking on patients, playing Resident Evil, or having cup ramen with Naruto in the kitchen.

If it was possible, she'd say that she was happy. But for some reason, it wasn't enough.

(_nothing had ever been enough._)

More often than not, she'd catch herself staring longingly out the window. Somehow, the backyard just seemed dull in comparison to the rest of the world. Driving to the seaside at night in a truck was nothing when she imagined the city.

She and Sasuke had a secret. Something that even Naruto—Sasuke's best friend—didn't know.

They practiced. Sasuke practiced his fire, and she watched. He once told her that in his dreams, she could fix people up like magic—her hands would light up, and wounds would miraculously heal.

She could only wish it was true.

But she started with the simple stuff first. At least, what he thought was the simple stuff. He once said that they could walk on water—everyone could—so she practiced that. He could do it to an extent; his feet would still be submerged in the water, but he was still standing.

And if there was any connection between her dreams and this life at all, she'd take it.

**

* * *

[we're]  
fading  
away.**

* * *

She loved going out of town with Sasuke.

Maybe it was just because it was the only time she got to experience the outside world, despite the fact that it was cold and dark, and most people were sleeping. It was a little lonely, but she'd been lonely all her life—so wasn't much of a difference.

(_she loved the scent of the truck, and sitting in silence with sasuke._)

"Naruto-sama, you drive, right?"

The blonde wrinkled his nose. "Stop calling me that, Sakura-chan. It's creepy. Just call me Naruto."

She hesitated for a moment, because she had always tacked the honorific to the end of everyone's names. "Naruto?" she tried out, feeling as though she was going to be punished for it.

He grinned. "That's it. And yeah, I drive. Why?"

"Could you teach me?" He looked surprised, and she immediately knew that she said something wrong. "Sorry." She laughed a little, but it sounded empty. "That was a…joke. Was it a good joke?"

Naruto pulled her into a hug, like he would occasionally—but it still surprised her. Human contact wasn't something she could get used to very quickly.

"Y'know, technically, you're allowed to go outside."

"Outside?"

"Yeah. As long as you don't get into any trouble or any business that requires an ID or whatever, you should be okay. No one can tell you're illegal. It's just that teme doesn't like taking risks."

She frowned a little. "Oh. Sasuke-sama is just worried about me."

Naruto threw his hands in the air. "That's the problem with you. You never step outside of the box! You let Sasuke_-sama_ make all of the decisions for you, and you can't even stand up for yourself. You let yourself be locked up in this place, and the only time you ever breathe the outside air is when both of us accompany you to the backyard, or when he ships off more illegal guys to like, Siberia, or something."

She blinked. "But Sasuke-sama owns me."

(_she was nothing without him._)

"Screw this," Naruto grunted. "I'm teaching you how to drive."

* * *

"_Why do you love tomatoes so much?"_

"_When I was younger, my mother had a tomato garden. I don't love tomatoes."_

_She swallowed._

"_I loved my mother."_

* * *

"What's in a name?" she read aloud. "That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

"Shakespeare." Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "I didn't take you for that kind of person."

"I finished all of your medical and science books," she said sheepishly. "I'm moving into the literature now." It wasn't that she wasn't interested in actual literature—it was just that it provoked feelings in the reader, and she didn't exactly have perfectly functioning feelings. She didn't feel included when she read these things. "Sasuke-sama—"

"For once, I think I'll take a page out of Naruto's book. Just call me Sasuke."

This really caught her off guard. Naruto, she could understand, because he was just a friend—that _was_ what he was, right? She couldn't quite apply these terms yet—but Sasuke? Sasuke had complete ownership of her. She had no right to address him as an equal.

She shook her head frantically. "No. Sasuke-sama is Sasuke-sama."

His lips curved slightly into a small smirk. "What's in a name?" he asked, repeating her words. "That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

But if he reasoned like that, she couldn't argue.

She hesitated when she spoke again. "S…Sasuke," she paused, hoping he wouldn't scold her, "when are we leaving town again?"

He returned to his work. "The day after tomorrow. Why do you ask?"

"We just haven't gone lately." Ever since that day with Naruto, she felt really confined, despite how spacious the mansion was. Most of the time, she stayed in the basement, her room, the kitchen or living room. She was always in the east wing. She had figured out a while ago that Itachi's quarters were in the west wing, so she tried to avoid it as much as possible.

"All you do is sleep on the way there and back anyway."

"I watch, too!"

He looked amused. "Of course." He then sighed. "I've just been busy this past while, is all."

"What do you do during the day?"

He looked at her for a long moment. She'd grown accustomed to this—enjoyed it, even—because she knew that he was thinking about her and contemplating on what he should tell her. Sometimes, she'd like to think that he was thinking about what he would say that would make her the happiest.

"Nothing that you should be concerned about," he finally said, pushing his glasses up higher the bridge of his nose.

It was quiet for the next while; she was reading _Romeo and Juliet_, and he was doing his paperwork. It was very comfortable—before she met Sasuke, she would've never even considered having a life like this.

But would it last?

(_all good things came to an end._)

"They…" She struggled to form her words. "Romeo and Juliet are in love."

He didn't even look up. "Yes, they are."

She frowned. "They're willing to sacrifice their lives for the other."

"Yes, they are."

"That's…kind of stupid."

Finally, he glanced at her. "Yes, it is."

She smiled a little. "I'll never be like them."

"Okay."

(_all good things came to an end._)

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"It's so cold…"

"What do you expect in the Earth Country?"

**Is it wrong to say that I don't mind?  
Is it selfish to say that even though I lost everything, and my best friend is missing…  
Spending my time alone with you made up for all of it?  
Is it wrong to ask if you feel the same way?**

"What makes you think that Naruto might be here?"

(_breathe. breathe. breathe._)

"When I was last associated with Akatsuki, their temporary base was here."

"And you figured that they had Naruto?"

"Yes."

Ever the smart Sasuke-kun.

(_shiver._)

"How did you deal with the cold?"

"I made a fire."

(_warmth._)

**Sasuke-kun, you're so warm.**

"I thought I told you to stop sleeping on me."

"I would, but sharing body heat might be a safe way to go in temperatures like this."

(_breathe. breathe…_)

**You try to hide it, but you're incredibly warm.**

"Hn."

(_…breathe._)

* * *

She had spent all day practicing. And finally, today, she could stand on water.

She had filled up the large bathtub, and had been trying to stand on it for hours on end. And finally, now, she could. Right on the surface. Not submerged, like Sasuke—but right on top, only making small ripples with her movements.

It was like magic. And right now, she figured, she needed a little magic in her life.

(_anything to make her keep hoping that there was more in this world than the uchiha mansion and the nighttime world._)

And once she could stand on water, she wondered if she could stand on other things to. Like the walls. Or the ceiling.

She found that she could—she just hadn't quite mastered it yet. And this made her incredibly proud, because did Sasuke know this? Did he know that they could walk on walls and ceilings?

She waited for him to come home that night to tell him. To tell him, and to go out in his truck and take her patients to the seaside to send them away to a better place. She was impatient. She hadn't breathed the outside air in a long time.

(_anticipating. excited. eager._)

When dinner rolled around and he hadn't returned yet, she found a tomato in the fridge and took a bite out of it. It didn't agree with her taste buds, but she couldn't cook anything well, so she ate it. And when she was done, she made some hot chocolate to wash away the taste.

But even after midnight, he wasn't there. And she was getting worried.

He was probably just being held up at work. That was usually how it was. But he said he'd be here—and he was never late.

She frowned. Her patients were waiting. She had even told them that they'd be free to go tonight, so they were probably even more impatient than she was.

Maybe she should do it. Maybe she should take them, and drive them out of town and send them off. She'd seen Sasuke do it a lot of times—and she knew where to go, because she was almost robotic, and just knew these things, despite sleeping for many of the trips.

Sasuke never said that she _couldn't_ take things into her own hands. She stood up, heart pounding in her ribcage.

It was a good thing Naruto taught her how to drive.

* * *

"_He died before he got here, Sakura. It's not your fault."_

_She didn't stop doing CPR. "But I didn't even get a chance to fix him—"_

"_He's dead. Let him go."_

"_But—"_

_He put a hand on her wrist, and stilled her movements._

"_There are some things that you just have to let go."_

* * *

The man frowned. "Where's Uchiha-san?"

"Oh. He's…um, busy tonight. So I brought them instead."

"Alone?"

"He let me," she insisted. The man looked skeptical. But she couldn't bring her patients back now—they were waiting in the truck. There was even a young woman who had told her about how she was going to find a new life, and a man she loved, and settle down to have children.

She couldn't back down now.

(_not when she came this far. not when she tried so hard to do something worthwhile._)

"I can't send them off without his signature," he said, sighing. "You're not legit."

"I'll sign it, then! Please? They're really desperate to go." And she hoped it would work—because if it didn't, if he really needed Sasuke's signature, then she was in such big trouble once she got back.

He frowned. "I swear, if I get into shit for this, you're the first one I'm hunting down."

She nodded. "Okay!"

When she wrote _Sakura_ on the form, it looked unprofessional, in contrast to Sasuke's elegant signature. Then she began to doubt herself.

She breathed in deeply, determined.

Grinning, she made her way to the truck and opened the back doors. She beckoned her patients out, and they came, one by one. "Just go over there," she said, pointing to the man who was now on the boat. "He'll be taking you away."

The young woman who told her about her dreams grasped her hands. And Sakura noticed, she had the bluest eyes, wide and full of hope.

"Thank you," she whispered quietly.

The words echoed in her mind.

(_thank you. thank you. thank you._)

"You're welcome."

* * *

"_Dreams are foggy, right?"_

"_Yes."_

"_But even though I never remember mine, I know they're always…clear. Things are foggy when I'm awake."_

"_Maybe we're wrong."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Maybe this life is our dream."_

"…"

"…_And the dream is our life."_

* * *

She was exhausted when she returned. All she wanted was a hot shower, some hot chocolate, and then to crash onto her bed.

Too bad things didn't go the way she planned.

(_nothing ever did._)

Sasuke was sitting in the living room when she returned, but she didn't notice, because she was so tired. She was already trudging towards the bathroom, when she felt a tight grip around her wrist. She turned around, meeting with dark, raging eyes.

"Where," Sasuke hissed slowly, "have you been?"

And for the first time ever, she was afraid. She had been afraid of Itachi, she had been afraid of her patient who nearly strangled her to death—but she'd never been afraid of Sasuke before. And this was the first time she had ever seen his features contorted into such anger, such absolute fury—

"I was…" She swallowed. "At the seaside. Taking the…the patients…to the seaside." She found it difficult to breathe and form proper sentences.

"When"—she flinched when his grip tightened even more on her wrist—"did I _ever_"—he leaned in closer to her—"give you the permission to do that?"

"I—I'm sorry," she gasped, trying to pull away. His grip was bruising. "Please. I'm sorry."

"Do you _realize_ the consequences that could've happened if you were found out? Do you _know_ what could've happened to you? You could've _died_. You could've been found by the government and executed. And then who's to blame? Me. You will be the death of me."

Was it wrong to think he was beautiful? Was it wrong to think that, as he was hovering over her, absolutely seething, that he was still the most beautiful thing she had ever seen? She bit her tongue to hold back the tears forming in her eyes.

(_sorry. sorry. sorry._)

"You—you were late, and I thought—"

"You think nothing. You feel _nothing_." He took a step closer to her, and she stumbled backwards, hitting the wall. "You are Sakura, you are merely a _doctor_, and if I wanted to, I could_ kill_ you right now."

"I'm sorry." Her voice shook. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, but she didn't know why. People cried when they were sad—but she wasn't sad. She was terrified.

He was close enough for her to feel his hot breath on her mouth. He was close enough for her to move slightly, and have their noses touch. He was close enough to melt her with his onyx eyes. Her wrist burned. He was cutting off the circulation in her hand.

"It hurts," she whimpered.

There was a long moment of tense silence. And finally, he loosened his grip. But his slender fingers were still around her wrist.

"I cannot," he said slowly, breathing in deeply, "do this without you. I cannot find out the reason why I dream about you if you're not here."

"I…" She swallowed. "I'm sorry." And suddenly, her aching wrist was the last thing on her mind as she exhaled slowly, relaxing against the wall behind her. He looked so tired; he had bags under his eyes, his form was slouching, and it felt as though he was saying _please, please don't do this to me_.

But she couldn't be sure, because she was never an expert on reading people, let alone Uchiha Sasuke.

(_she didn't even tell him that she could stand on water. she didn't even tell him that she could do the impossible._)

"Let's sleep," she suggested quietly. "I'll take you back to your room." And he backed away from he wordlessly, and walked to his room together in silence. Her heart was still pounding from the adrenaline, and she kept a safe distance from him as they made their way down the empty hallways.

(_instinct that had been with her from the very start._)

She had only been in Sasuke's room a small number of times. It was big and luscious, with red décor. His pajamas were folded neatly on his bed, and he proceeded to strip of his current clothes and put them on. She politely turned around until he was finished.

"Wear these." She turned back around to have him toss a t-shirt and a pair of shorts at her. She attempted to catch them, but failed.

"Why?"

"Just do it." And he disappeared into the bathroom. Confused, she changed into his clothes, registering that they smelled like him.

(_they smelled like home._)

When he returned, he got in bed and took the book that was sitting on his bedside table, opening it and reading it.

"You really should sleep," she said timidly. "You look tired."

"You do too," he said wryly, without looking up. "Go brush your teeth, and then come back here."

And so she did, and when she came back, he had put the book away and was lying under the covers, eyes closed. His breathing was quiet, _her_ breathing was quiet—everything was quiet.

(_temporary peace._)

A small smile graced her lips, and she wondered if the last ten minutes even happened. The angry Sasuke had disappeared so quickly—and to think that he even existed when this Sasuke was sleeping was just absurd to her.

She tiptoed quietly to his bedside table to turn off his lamp, when his hand shot out and grabbed her sore arm. She flinched.

"Get in the bed," he told her, before releasing her. She let out an inaudible sigh of relief, and crawled beside him, under the covers. He reached out and turned off the lamp, before moving into a more comfortable position. "From now on"—his voice was already fading away—"you are always going to be under supervision. No exceptions."

"Okay." She was drifting away, too; she was so drained.

(_temporary peace._)

**

* * *

notes:** okay, so i want to clear some things up, because a lot of you say you're confused (because clearly i suck at making people understand through literature).

the stuff in the italics that separate the scenes that appear to be from the AU world are just snippets of their interaction that i thought was cute, but found no point in actually writing an scene about. (and there might be a hint of foreshadowing in it but not really, NUDGE NUDGE. actually, only one of them in the whole fic is foreshadowing—let's see if you can find which one it is!)

the bits that seem to be the canonverse are clearly the canonverse. some of you guys think it's a parallel universe, some of you guys are just plain confused. well, they're supposed to be sakura's dreams that she never remembers, dreaming them loosely around the same time as the fic progresses.

of course, as to why she has these dreams and why they can apply some shinobi things into this AU world will remain a secret.

i hope this clears some things up! i suppose i need to work on my explanation skills through writing. D:


	5. desperate gasps

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Are those Stone-nin?"

"Yeah. ANBU."

"Well, aren't we screwed."

"This isn't the time for jokes, Sakura."

**It's so lonely out here.  
Without Naruto and his brightness, it's so lonely and dark.  
And you, Sasuke-kun—  
You only add to the darkness.**

"Do you think we can outrun them?"

"It's our best option right now."

(_step. step. step._)

Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun.

(_whizz._)

"Shit, they found us—"

"Don't fight, Sakura—run—you can't take them all on—"

"It's not like they'll let us escape!"

(_crash. step. crash._)

**If we can't escape, then I'm going to fight.  
After everything, I'm not going to lose you, too.  
I just can't.**

"Sakura, you're not familiar with their jutsu—"

"There's a first for everything, Sasuke-kun—I'll familiarize myself with them now—" Flinch.

"Their senbon are always poisoned—"

(_waver._)

"Shit, Sakura, stay with me—"

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Don't you dare die on me, you annoying woman, or I swear to God—"

**Anything you want.  
If you asked, I'd fight the heavens for you.**

(_inhale. exhale._)

"Sakura—"

"I'm…I'm fading away, Sasuke-kun…" Laugh. "See?"

"You're not fading. You are not fading."

"I'm fading…"

(_…sigh._)

* * *

When she woke up, he was gone.

Which really wasn't much of a surprise, because she often slept in, and she highly doubted Sasuke's job allowed him to get the hours of sleep he deserved. But when she woke up, submerged in red, she couldn't quite find the will to get up.

The thick, red curtains were pulled open, the sunlight spilling into the room. She shifted so she lay on her back, sighing. Her dream last night felt strange.

(_terrifying. ruthless. desperate._)

She didn't want to leave the safe confines of Sasuke's bed. Sasuke's bed felt so right.

She started when the door abruptly opened to see the very Uchiha she was just thinking about walk in with a tray of food.

"You aren't working?" she asked in surprise, scrambling to sit up. She didn't want him to know that she was just basking in the scent of his pillows, or gazing at the spot where he had slept beside her all night.

"I did say that I was keeping you under supervision at all times."

"So you're not going to work anymore?" He placed the tray onto the bedside table. She flinched when he gingerly took her wrist in his hands. It was bruised rather badly.

"I am. I'm just taking you with me." He didn't take his eyes off her wrist for a long moment, before he finally set it down again. He didn't apologize for it—not that she was expecting him to, really. She had done something wrong—and she deserved the consequences.

(_but somehow, she didn't regret doing what she did._)

"Eat your breakfast," he told her, leaving the room. "I'm already late. Once you're ready, meet me in the living room."

It was pancakes. With strawberry sauce.

When did Sasuke make pancakes with strawberry sauce?

But she smiled as she ate it, because it was warm and sweet, and it made _her_ feel warm and sweet down to her very toes. Maybe it was an apology for the night before. Or maybe, he just felt like making pancakes with strawberry sauce. She wasn't sure why, but it made her happy, and that was enough.

(_it was the first thing in a long time that was ever enough._)

**

* * *

fading**

**away…**

* * *

"Sakura-chan?" She perked up to find Naruto all dressed up in his business attire, looking disbelieving. "What are you _doing_ here?"

"She got in trouble," Sasuke grunted noncommittally. "Because _someone_ taught her how to drive."

She smiled sheepishly at the blonde, wringing her hands behind her back. "Sorry."

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, but grinned. "Welcome to the real world," he told her, spreading his arms. "Too bad you're stuck in a boring building all day." The three of them slowly made their way down the hallway. All of this was a new experience for her, and she was excited—plush sofas and pristine windows, red carpets and men dressed in business suits—it was exhilarating.

(_adrenaline. speed. absolute and utter bliss._)

Naruto draped an arm around her shoulder, and she leaned into his warm touch. "We're going to a meeting," he told her. "I suppose teme's serious when he said you're under supervision. You're going to be, like, his new secretary."

"I don't need a secretary."

"Shut it—you haven't taken a day off in your life. Maybe a secretary would do you good."

She was dressed in a white dress shirt and a tight, grey skirt—she wore heels that were difficult to walk in, and her hair was tied back into a bun. She felt important. She felt…like she mattered. And when she entered the boardroom, all eyes were on her.

"New girlfriend, Uzumaki?"

"Shut up, Kiba. You're just jealous."

"I am. She's hot."

Her lips involuntarily curved into a smile. Judging from that tone, it was a good thing. She was _hot_. Whatever that meant.

The comfort and security of Naruto's arm left as everyone took their seats. Sasuke sat at the head of the table, and gestured towards the chair directly behind him, pressed up against the wall.

"This is my new secretary," Sasuke grunted, shuffling his papers. "Touch her, and I'll kill you."

The mood in the room was tense, so she tried to hide her smile.

* * *

"_My mother isn't the only reason I eat tomatoes."_

"_She's not?"_

"_Back in the old days, it was custom to throw tomatoes at performers if they didn't give a good show. I also eat tomatoes to remind me of that."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_That since my mother died, my show turned sour."_

_She frowned a little._

"_Since my mother died, my show was over."_

* * *

"So many books!" she exclaimed when he brought her into his office. "Can I read them?"

He grunted. "Go ahead."

Quite cheerfully, she browsed his shelves. She was running out of reading material at home, so it was a good opportunity to find something to bring back. "You have books on dinosaurs?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Roar," he said dryly.

Satisfied, she settled into a couch with a thick book on prehistoric creatures.

* * *

"_What's the exact meaning of love?"_

"_Why do you ask?"_

"_Well, they use it in _Romeo and Juliet_ a lot…"_

"_I'm not really the person you should ask."_

"_You don't love?"_

_Pause. "I lost the ability to a long time ago."_

* * *

There was a picture on Sasuke's desk at home. She had never really paid much attention to it before, but today, it lured her in.

It was a simple picture—it was of him and Naruto. They looked a fair bit younger—they must've been friends for a long time, she concluded. In the entire office, the picture was the only thing that seemed the slightest bit expressive about it.

(_a moment in time, when a ghost of a smile was passing over his lips._)

She looked up when he entered the room. "Can we take a picture together?" she asked, trying to smile innocently. He raised an eyebrow—she wasn't sure if it was at her expression, or her request.

"I don't see why we need to."

"Well…it feels like I'll be a little more human if I do."

(_a little bit more like him._)

"No."

She frowned—something much more instinctual than smiling—and stepped away from his desk, saying nothing. She took to inspecting the books in the room. She had read everything in the library, but everything in Sasuke's office was still untouched. She wondered if she could read anything in here.

She glanced over her shoulder at Sasuke, who was staring intently at the papers on his desk, deep in thought. Her hand itched to reach out and grab a thicker, more plushy-looking book, just within her reach if she stood on her tiptoes.

She flinched as she pulled a leg muscle while stretching to reach it, but it left her mind the moment she opened it.

It was a photo album. And there were pictures of Sasuke. Sasuke as a baby, Sasuke as a child—grinning brightly over a bowl of rice, holding his chopsticks elegantly even at such a young age—and there was another boy—older, she thought—who was just as cute, and even vaguely familiar—

Itachi.

She immediately flipped the page.

"Sasuke, when did you have baby pictures?" A genuine smile crept to her lips as she scanned the pages. She didn't receive an answer—Sasuke took the album from her hands and stepped closer to her to slip it back into its proper place on the shelf.

"The books in here," he told her, voice blank, "are off limits."

She swallowed, looking up at him with only the smallest hint of fear. "Okay."

(_because she wasn't afraid of him anymore. not really. not when he made her feel so accepted._)

He stood there, assessing the books before them. She waited for him to back away so she could go do something else—perhaps make hot chocolate. And then check up on the patients.

When she sensed him looking down at her, she met his gaze. He was looming over her, awfully close—making her feel a combination of uncomfortable and tingly at the same time. She frowned at this feeling—she'd never experienced it before. They were both quiet, only hearing their soft breaths, and she could swear that he was thinking about something important, with the way his eyes were flashing—

"I remember something from my dream last night," he said, voice uncharacteristically soft. "You were able to heal injuries with nothing but your hands."

It took her a moment for her to gather her thoughts. "Oh. Would you…like me to try doing that?"

"If you could." He stepped back, allowing her enough space to slip past him and leave the room, heart pounding frantically in her chest.

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Sasuke-kun…?"

"Sakura."

"Why am I here…? The Stone-nin—"

"I managed to get away."

Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun.

Oh, her Sasuke-kun.

"The poison…?"

"It hadn't spread too far yet, so I managed to get it out."

**The one thing I don't ask of you—  
The one thing I don't want you to do for me—  
You do it. You save my life.  
When I think you're better off without me.**

Soft eyes. "Th…Thank you."

(_thump. thump._)

"Hn."

(_thump…_)

* * *

Her new patient was a very pretty boy—around her age, but still maintaining some child-like features. He had wide grey eyes and dark blonde hair, all supported by a thin and weak body.

"You're pretty," she told him, dabbing at the cuts on his porcelain face. Like her, he had probably never seen the sun while in that place.

"Thanks." His thin lips curved into a small smile. "You are too."

She looked at him oddly, because he was the first and only person to have ever told her that she was even remotely attractive. "Thanks," she said, a little flustered. She felt her cheeks getting hot, but it was a sensation she had never quite experienced before.

(_the unfamiliar._)

As far as she could tell, there was nothing all that serious about him. For a defect, he was strangely…normal. And maybe that was a good thing.

She found a rather nasty bruise on his arm, and put down the gauze. She positioned her hands over it, and willed it to heal itself.

Nothing happened.

"What are you doing?" the boy asked, peering at her hands curiously.

"I'm trying to heal your bruise," she explained. "Sasuke—the person who lives here—said that I could do it."

"But nothing's happening," he pointed out.

Her face fell a bit, and she moved her hands away. "I know. I'm practicing."

(_but it still wasn't working. it had never worked._)

"Is he Uchiha Sasuke?"

She moved to wipe a dried trickle of blood off the corner of his mouth. "Yeah."

"Is he like…Itachi-sama?"

She paused for the briefest of moments at the mention of his name. "No," she said, smiling a little. "He's…very kind. He looks like Itachi-sama on the outside, but if you spend some time with him, you see that they're really different. He's…really, really kind."

"That's nice to know." The boy smiled. "It would be sad if he was treating a pretty girl like you badly."

She smiled again, a little more honestly this time. "You don't seem to have any internal damage. How much drugs did they inject you with?"

He frowned. "A lot, actually. For some reason, nothing worked on me. I'm still normal. I'm still…me." She shivered a little at this, because she remembered when she was given drugs. She got them periodically, because the first round had been done—the first round that wiped her memory and everything human about her.

"That's good," she said lightly, picking up her clipboard and scribbling something on it. "I'll take you to your room now. You'll be discharged at the next opportunity."

"Thank you, uh…your name is?"

"Sakura." She smiled. "Sasuke named me Sakura."

"That's a nice name."

"What's yours?"

"I don't have one."

Her smile dampened a little. "Oh. Right. Well, you can name yourself, then."

"Why don't you name me?" His thin legs were swinging back and forth as he sat on the examination table.

"Mm…well—" She stopped when she noticed him shake. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he fell off the table, collapsing on the floor. Her clipboard followed suit when she dropped it, the clatter echoing on the hard walls. He was seizing.

When he stopped breathing, and when she removed his hands from his chest hopelessly, she named him Hibiki, because his final gasp wouldn't stop echoing in her mind.

* * *

"_Sakura, what is this?"_

_She smiled meekly. "Breakfast?" The burnt eggs didn't look quite as appetizing as Sasuke's when he cooked. He stared at his plate, as if contemplating. "It's okay! I'll make—I'll make cereal or something. You don't have to eat it!"_

_He didn't look at her—merely bowed his head. "Itadakimasu."_

_She stared at him in shock for a moment, before slowly taking her seat across from him. "Itadakimasu."_

* * *

She clapped enthusiastically. "So you did it!"

"Stop praising me like a child."

"But that's amazing," she insisted. "Standing on water isn't even supposed to be possible."

"Aren't you supposed to be devoid of all feelings?"

She frowned at him, and sat back further into the couch. Her current game of Resident Evil was on pause, and figuring that Sasuke probably had enough of her babbling, she pressed _continue_ before becoming engrossed with the controls on the screen.

"I'm going to shower," Sasuke muttered after a few moments, standing up from beside her and shuffling away. "Don't drive any trucks while I'm gone."

"I won't."

Everything was silent around her—even the television. All she could hear was her breathing; the breeze from the open window felt ominous as they nudged at the red curtains, and the darkness outside was even comforting, reminding her that she had a bright and warm home.

She didn't even flinch when someone popped up from behind a pile of crates, shooting her down. Just as she was reloading her ammo, big letters flashed on the screen.

_GAME OVER._

She stared at the television for a small moment before fetching the remote, turning it off. No matter how much she'd been practicing, she just wouldn't be as good as Naruto. Mostly on autopilot, she got up to close the windows before she forgot. She forgot one day, and it had rained that night—Sasuke wasn't pleased.

She wished she could go outside. Truly outside. Which was ridiculous, because she had been. She'd been to Sasuke's workplace, she'd been to the seaside—

But it still felt like it wasn't everything.

And as she paused at the window, hand resting on the sill, she was tempted to step out and run away.

(_revolution. change. rebellion._)

She swallowed and bit her lip. No.

Things were never this hard. Back when she was with Akatsuki, things had _never_ been this hard. She just followed orders, followed rules—and as long as she did that, she was safe. She never had to deal with anything like temptation, anticipation, fear—happiness.

But maybe, if there was happiness, it was worth it.

Her eyes widened, when suddenly, a figure popped up in front of her. He was all dressed in black, his face masked—almost like the character in her video game.

"This is private property—" She tried to explain, but her breath was sharply cut from her when he reached over the sill and roughly dragged her out the window. And she couldn't quite classify her feelings just yet, but if it was anything, it might've been excitement, adrenaline, and just a little—a little—bit of fear.

And almost as if too late, her voice was pulled from her throat, strangled and barely audible—"Sasuke—"

And she was gone.

(_game over._)

**

* * *

notes:** i've been feeling so exhausted, physically and emotionally and psychologically as of late. maybe your reviews will help me feel better? this is one of my best-received multi-chaptered fics yet, so i'm really grateful to all of you! :)


	6. diluted pupils

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Where do we go now?"

(_step. step. step._)

"I don't know."

**It's never felt this hopeless before. Especially when you were here.  
Sasuke-kun, when you were here, nothing ever felt hopeless.  
But now, it's like everything is crumbling down around me.**

"Naruto"—tremble—"I miss Naruto."

"Shut up."

"You miss him too." Swallow.

Pause. "Yeah."

(_breathe. breathe. breathe._)

**What do you do when there's nothing left?**

"Sasuke-kun, when was the last time you were scared?"

"Back when I still had a family."

"…Oh. I see."

**What do you do when you have nowhere left to go?**

"So I don't quite remember what fear is, but…this might be it."

"What makes you say that?"

Silence.

(_thump. thump. thump._)

**Answer me.  
Please tell me that there's more than a boy with no heart sitting beside me.**

"For one, you're here."

(_—inhale—_)

"And you're all I have left."

(_…exhale._)

**Thank you.**

* * *

When she opened her eyes, there was nothing. No sounds, no light, no thoughts—no anything.

She opened her eyes, but that didn't change the fact that everything was dark. Her throat was parched and her lips were cracked and dry, but she paid it no heed. It was quiet here. It was…quiet here.

(_another word that she couldn't quite place—another word that slipped her tongue._)

A door opened to her left, and a slither of light grew into a block, big enough for a person to fit through. Once the person entered, the door closed, and it was dark again.

"Doctor."

Her eyes remained fixed on the ceiling that she knew was there, but couldn't see. "Itachi-sama."

"We have some more experiments. Let's go."

She slipped off her bed, onto the cold, tile floor, and padded out of the room behind him.

(_step. step. step._

_quiet._)

**

* * *

DON'T  
FADE  
AWAY**

* * *

"Heh. I remember you. You're the one who cut off my arm. Thanks for that." She didn't look up from her work, measuring the right amount of potassium chloride into her needle. "I thought you were a defect. Weren't you taken away?"

"I don't remember," she said.

"Hey, since you left, less and less people have been dying here. D'you think they're letting me go too? I think I'm getting more and more normal lately."

(_defect, defect, defect._)

"You might," she said, placing the tip of the needle on a major vein in his arm. She didn't look him in the eye. She never did.

"There's this chick I met before I came here," the man told her. "I can remember her, bit by bit. Once I get out of here, I'm going to find her."

She didn't answer—only pierced his skin with the needle and injected the potassium chloride. "You're all done." Throwing out the needle out into the garbage bin, she washed her hands in the nearby sink.

"Really? That was fast."

"You might want to sit for a moment—the drug will make you feel dizzy." Only a few moments—she just had to wait a few moments before the blood circulated throughout his body and reached his heart, and then—

He crumpled, landing onto the floor in a heap.

And then he would die.

Expression blank, she slung the smelly, warm, (_empty, empty, empty_) corpse over her shoulder with unnatural strength, and left the room.

There was a dumpster behind the large building that they filled with corpses, until it was full. When it was, they would dispose of it accordingly. She passed Deidara in the hallway, and took care to avoid eye contact. She had never liked Deidara.

"Glad he's dead, yeah," the blonde said. "Was nothing but a pain in the ass. Did he scream the entire time?" He frowned. "Where's the blood?"

"There is no blood," she told him, quickening her pace to the dumpster. Deidara struck something in her that made her instincts tell her to run, and not stop until he was out of sight, out of mind.

"What?" He matched her pace. "How'd you kill him, yeah?"

"Lethal injection. I used potassium chloride."

There was a pause. "We always taught you to kill with a scalpel to the jugular vein. Where did you learn the method of lethal injection?"

She racked her mind to find the answer, because she didn't want to anger Deidara—angering Deidara was the last thing anyone wanted to do. "I…don't know." She couldn't remember.

She couldn't remember.

(_blank. empty. gone._)

She tossed the body into the green dumpster, gross and reeking of rotting flesh. Deidara remained silent, before he turned swiftly on his heels and left, steps quick and sharp on the cement.

She was left alone with the flies and maggots.

* * *

"_All romance stories are so…typical. In Sleeping Beauty, the prince would fight a dragon for her."_

"_Because that's what love stories are."_

"_Why don't I have a love story?"_

"_Not everyone does."_

"_Do you?"_

"_No. I don't."_

* * *

"Where is she?"

"Now, now. Calm down, little brother."

"Fuck, Itachi, where _is_ she?"

The yelling down the empty halls woke her up. Her eyes opened lazily as she stared into the darkness—why was that voice so familiar? She was sure she'd heard it before somewhere, but couldn't quite place it…

"I've always been led to believe that when you said you disposed of the defects, that meant that you killed them. I didn't realize that you kept them as pets."

"I _do_ kill them. Sakura is the only one."

"You even named her. How sweet."

(_who's sakura?_)

"Just give her back, Itachi, or I swear to God, you will regret it—"

"Why don't you calm down? Chat over some tea—or do you prefer coffee?"

"It's two in the morning."

Footsteps were approaching her room, and she closed her eyes immediately. She had long since learned that when she heard or discovered something that was none of her business, it was best to pretend she didn't know about it.

She didn't move with the door opened, and the lights turned on. Itachi spoke again. "Don't get all jittery, Sasuke. She's just fine."

Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke.

It sounded so familiar. It sounded like it belonged in her mind.

"Give her back, and I'll leave."

"I'm surprised that you're even getting so worked up over a simple defect. But not to worry—we fixed her up. She'll be with Akatsuki again."

"You bastard, what the hell did you do to her—"

"Merely some new drugs we've found to be quite useful. We might even use…oh, perhaps, potassium chloride. Your little Sakura seems to know its effects on the human body, despite the fact that Akatsuki has never used that method of execution."

(_who was sakura?_)

"She's a skilled doctor. She knows a lot of things that you wouldn't expect."

"Shall I taunt you, Sasuke? It's always been a hobby of mine." The thin blankets were pulled from her, and she opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the blaring light bulb on the ceiling. "Good morning, Doctor."

She sat up. "Good morning, Itachi-sama." She didn't move when he played with a lock of her hair. It was best not to move when Itachi touched you.

The man behind Itachi—they looked so alike—gritted his teeth. "Don't _touch_ her—"

"You make a single move, little brother, and I'll kill her. You know I'd do it."

"Not if I kill you first."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that."

"Sakura, get away from him." She looked emptily at Itachi's little brother—Sasuke was his name. "You'll be severely punished if you don't."

Itachi's hand left her hair, and rested on her cheek instead. His hand was so cold. "I'm Doctor," she told Sasuke. "There is no Sakura here." And something changed in those dark eyes, but she wasn't quite sure what it was. "You do not own me."

"That's right," Itachi said softly as he marveled her features. "Because _I_ do."

"Fuck you, Itachi—"

"You named her well, Sasuke," he continued, leaning close enough for her to smell his cologne. "Sakura. Just like a pathetic little flower with the life span of two minutes." His lips ghosted across her forehead, and involuntary shivers were sent up her spine. "Doctor," he murmured, nose brushing hers, "how would you like me to promote you?"

"I would be honored," she said, keeping her voice steady.

"Good," he murmured against her lips before slanting his mouth right onto hers. "I'm sure you'd like your promotion much more than staying with my brother. I can make you feel things that he could only dream of making you feel."

She was still feeling nothing, but wisely chose not to say that.

Itachi laced their fingers together, and turned around to face Sasuke. "Are you just going to take this?"

"If I don't, aren't you going to kill her?"

"You're still as sharp as ever. I've trained you well."

"Shut up, you son of a bitch."

Itachi turned back to her. "Are you feeling things, Doctor?" He kissed her lips again before pulling her body closer to his, his hands touching places that she would've deemed inappropriate, but it didn't hurt—and if Itachi wasn't hurting her, it was already a miracle—so she let him touch her.

"Sakura, are you going to let him do that to you?" Her attention fixed onto Sasuke again, who had seemed to regain his composure. "Even I've never touched you like that."

"I"—she inhaled sharply when Itachi's fingers pressed against a sensitive spot—"am not Sakura."

"You _are_. Look at me."

"I am."

"_Look_ at me." He breathed in deeply. "Look at _me_."

(_who was sakura? who was she?_)

She looked at him. And she saw nothing but dark, dark eyes that seemed so desolate—but she wasn't quite sure, because she was never good with emotions, considering she had never felt them before.

"Oh—" Her lips parted, and her body arched towards Itachi as his fingers did indescribable things.

"Sakura. Don't concentrate on Itachi. Concentrate on me." It was incredibly hard to do so. She had never felt this before. "Look at me. Think of me. Remember me."

(_who was _he_?_)

But it was so much easier to just close her eyes and press her shoulder against Itachi, breathing heavily, than to look and think or remember Sasuke. Because she had nothing to remember. All she had to do was sit here and listen to Itachi—and everything would be fine.

(_nothing was ever fine. nothing had ever been fine._)

She bit her bottom lip, drawing blood. This was good. This was too good. This was inhumanely good.

And suddenly, it all stopped. Her eyes flew open, and she stared at Sasuke, who held a bloody pocketknife in his hand.

"You're in trouble," she said, voice shaking a little. "Nobody hurts Itachi."

(_she would tell the truth. if she did, they wouldn't punish her._)

"I could take all of them on," Sasuke said, bending down and wiping the blood off of the pocketknife on Itachi's shirt. "Don't judge a book by its cover."

She was still burning—the very core of her was still burning, but she said nothing. She was going to wait until Sasuke left the room, and then she would treat Itachi. She would save him, and then she would be rewarded.

Silence lingered in the room for the next few moments. Finally, she stood up, suppressing the foreign feeling that Itachi had given her. "You should go," she told Sasuke. "Before they find you."

"I'm taking you with me."

She shook her head. "I have to treat Itachi-sama."

"You will _not_ save him." Sasuke's expression was merciless. "You will come with me, and he will bleed to death on the floor."

"You don't own me."

"My name," he said slowly, "is Uchiha Sasuke. I am Itachi's younger brother, and the moment he dies, you _will_ belong to me."

"You're wrong. I'll belong to Akatsuki."

Sasuke's hand shot out suddenly, and his fingers wrapped dangerously around her throat. She coughed and choked, but showed no sign of backing down. Soon, people would be here—someone must've heard the yelling and the noise. And for once, she hoped that it was Deidara who walked through that door.

(_hit him. hurt him. kill him. kill the man who dared to lay a finger on itachi._)

He drew closer to her—close enough to feel his hot breath on her face. She couldn't read his eyes—couldn't comprehend his action of him pressing his lips to her forehead.

She felt a slight pressure on the back of her neck before everything went black.

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Sasuke-kun…" Swallow. "I love you."

Sigh. "I know."

**I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.  
****I thought I stopped a long time ago. Enough to let go, anyway.  
But I was wrong. I'm always wrong.**

"No. I love you."

"I get it. You love me."

"_No_, Sasuke-kun. I don't love _you_. And _I_ don't love you. I _love_ you. There's a difference."

(_inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale._)

**I **_**love**_** you.**

"Sakura. I know."

Sniff. "Do you love me too?"

**Don't you get it? I **_**love**_** you.**

"I don't know."

**I fucking **_**love**_** you.**

(_breathe. breathe. breathe._)

"It's been so many years, and you still _don't know_? Sasuke-kun, a _yes_ or _no_, is that so hard?"

**I love you, I love you, I **_**love**_** you, god dammit, **_**get it in your head**_**.**

"I—I don't know. So _stop asking me, dammit_."

Quiet.

"I miss Naruto…"

**Loving you is the most painful thing I've ever done.**

"Me too."

(_thump. thump. thump._)

* * *

She opened her eyes.

She had dreamt again. But what was it about? She never seemed to remember. Never.

Scanning her surroundings, she found that she wasn't in her usual room—this place was carpeted, with open, red curtains, sunshine streaming in through the window. She was lying in a large bed, all soft and warm.

She'd never been here before.

Her eyes flitted around and she froze when she detected movement on her right. It was a person. He was hunched over, head resting in his arms. His body rose and fell with his deep breaths.

He was sleeping.

(_peacefully, like a child. like an oblivious experiment._)

And it was then that she realized, from his dark raven hair, that it was Sasuke.

Run, kill him, or obey him—those were her three options. She wasn't quite sure which to choose—and it was strange, because she'd never been unsure before.

She didn't have the chance to choose—because the moment she shifted into a more comfortable position, he stirred. She stared at him fearlessly when he ruffled his hair and looked up at her with sleepy eyes.

"Hello," he said.

"Hello."

They stared at each other for a moment—which she didn't understand, because there was no point in staring at someone—until he spoke again, softly.

"I'm Sasuke. From this moment on, you'll live here. Do you understand?"

She nodded once. "Yes."

"Your name," he paused, "will be Sakura."

She nodded again. "Sakura."

(_obey._)

**

* * *

notes:** i'm not going to lie; this chapter makes me feel pretty sick to my stomach. i don't know what i was thinking when i wrote this. but maybe that's the point.

school's out, yay! maybe more oneshots from me or something? i don't know, i'm hoping i'll actually get out of the house and do something useful.


	7. uneven blinks

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Sasuke-kun?"

**You're touching me. You're touching me.  
Why on earth are you touching me?**

(_thump, thump, thumpthumpthump—_)

"Hn."

"Are you feeling okay?"

**This is the first time you've ever initiated anything with me.**

"I'm fine."

Exhale. "You're holding my hand."

"I'm merely placing my hand on top of yours. I'm not holding it."

(_wishful thinking._)

"That's the same as holding it, though."

"Shut up, Sakura, or I'm going to stop."

**Is this supposed to mean something?  
I never know what to think anymore, so please, tell me.  
Is this supposed to mean something?**

Quiet. Smile.

"Okay."

**But I suppose I don't have to know right now.**

(_thump. thump. thump._)

* * *

"It feels like déjà vu." She sat straight on the couch, hands set on her lap. "It feels like I've done this before."

Sasuke looked at her over the rim of his glasses. "That's because you have."

She was tempted to ask him to explain, but it wasn't in her place to, so she said nothing. It was quiet for the next few minutes, with him reading, and her sitting, until he spoke again. "You were a defect before. Itachi gave you to me. You began to treat patients here—until, through some bad stroke of luck, Itachi found out that I hadn't killed you like I was supposed to. Then he took you back, and wiped your memory."

"Did he take all of the patients back?"

"He doesn't know about them. I killed them."

She studied him; full-frame glasses, dark hair, and even darker eyes—aristocratic nose and high cheekbones—the very essence of beauty.

"Is this a safe place?" she asked.

"Yes." He stood up from his desk and breathed in deeply, rubbing his temples before walking over to her and crouching down, so they were looking at each other eye to eye. "I don't know what drug they used on you, but I don't doubt that you can remember everything that you lost."

She tilted her head to the side. "If I was only here to treat the patients, why do you want me to remember?"

He studied her for a long moment, and she stared right back at him, not faltering. "Because," he finally said, voice soft, "you are more than a doctor." One of his hands rested on her thigh, the other combing through her hair. "You're Sakura."

(_why did he feel so familiar?_)

She breathed in deeply, taking in his musky scent. "Is there a significance to that name?"

He pulled closer—close enough for their noses to brush. "It signifies everything you are and could be if it weren't for everything that happened to you." Both of his hands cradled her face, and she sat there like a good girl, hoping he wasn't going to hit her. "It signifies everything about you that I value."

Very cautiously, hesitantly, she raised one hand so it rested on top of his against her cheek. His hand was so warm compared to hers. "I'll try to remember," she told him.

(_why did he feel like home?_)

"Thank you." He kissed her forehead softly, and left the room.

**

* * *

away, you're  
f a d i n g . . .**

* * *

"I'll show you something." He brought her to the master bathroom, and filled up the bathtub. She waited patiently as he rolled up his jeans and took off his socks. "Watch carefully." He climbed onto the edge of the tub, and then very carefully, stepped into the water.

Correction: He stepped _onto_ the water.

He could stand on water.

"That's not possible," she said immediately. "That's not physically possible."

He sounded amused. "That's the same thing you said to me when I showed you I could blow fire."

"You can blow fire?"

(_this man could do the impossible._)

He gestured for her to get into the tub with him. "You were the one who taught me how to do this perfectly. Let's see if you remember."

She looked at him, and this foreign feeling surged through her (_hope, hope, hope_). She climbed onto the edge of the tub, and very carefully, set one foot on top of the water. It was lukewarm, like bathwater should be.

The moment she put her weight on that foot so she could place the other one on the water, it sunk to the bottom. She sunk and took Sasuke with her.

(_trouble, trouble, trouble._)

"I am so sorry," she sputtered, struggling to wipe the water out of her eyes. "I'll clean you up right away—"

"It's fine," he said, cutting her off. She gaped at him in disbelief. Itachi would've skinned her by now.

"I'll clean you up," she repeated, standing up unsteadily, dripping with water and clothes clinging to her skin. "You'll catch a cold if you don't undress."

"The same goes to you."

(_maybe he could fix her._)

"I'll be fine." She reached out to his stomach, struggling to pull his black t-shirt up and off. "I am so sorry."

"I can take off my own clothes," he said shortly, pushing her hands away. "Tend to yourself." She backed away from him a little when he managed to get his shirt off, and then his jeans. She struggled with her own clothes, until she was just in her undergarments.

"I'll get some towels," she told him earnestly.

"You don't even know where they are." He didn't look at her as he stepped out of the tub in just his wet boxers, walking swiftly out of the room. She shivered, hugging herself.

(_she would if he'd just tell her._)

"Let's get you some clothes." He returned shortly after, tossing a red towel at her. His was already around his waist. She followed him out of the bathroom and into what she knew now was his room. She wrapped the towel tighter around herself, attempting to stop the shivering. "You're not going to warm up if you keep your underwear on, you know."

"This is my only pair."

"Take them off. I have boxers. You can go a day without a bra."

And so she did without hesitation—she obeyed his every word. She turned her back to him after he tossed her a t-shirt and some boxers. She moved to put on the boxers first, and when she reached for the shirt, she felt his warm hand on her shoulder.

"Are these scars?" His voice was low.

She didn't move. "Back in Akatsuki, most of the experiments had scars. The drugs often made us disobey. We were punished."

"To this extent?"

"They tested many drugs on me because I seemed to be more resistant than the others."

"Sakura, these are more than just beatings—there are burn marks, too."

"Deidara-sama liked to play with fire."

"Who did the rest?"

"Hidan-sama."

"All of the scars?"

"Itachi-sama did some of the small ones. On my arms."

It was quiet for a long moment, and he squeezed her shoulder briefly, before gently pulling the shirt from her grip and placing it over her head himself. She let him; slipping her arms through the right holes, and waiting for him to pull it down her torso.

"You're so kind, Sasuke-sama."

"It's Sasuke."

"Sorry. I always forget."

Even after the shirt was in place, his hands still rested at her waist. She could feel his breath on her hair, and she wondered if she was experiencing an emotion. Maybe she'd felt all of this before. Maybe the drug they injected her with was so intense that she could even forget human feelings.

(_defect, defect, defect._)

She stiffened in surprise when Sasuke's arms wrapped completely around her, pulling her back towards him. His cheek pressed against her ear, and his voice was gentle, but it sounded so lonely.

"Remember me. Please."

She leaned back a little against him, breathing in slowly. "I try all the time."

He sighed softly. "I know." And then his warmth was gone—and so was he, when she turned around to look at him.

* * *

"_Love is never worth the risk."_

_She frowned. "What?"_

_He didn't look up from the newspaper. "That's what I would've said before I met you."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I mean that you're worth the risk."_

* * *

"Aw, no." He looked so sad. "Sakura-chan, no."

"This is Naruto," Sasuke grunted. "You used to play Resident Evil with him for hours on end, eating cup ramen in between."

"She was just getting good, too!" Naruto whined. "Now I'm going to have to teach her everything all over again, and she's going to suck for weeks!"

"I don't care." Sasuke ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he read some files he had in his hand. "I'm going back to the office for a couple of hours. If you let her out of your sight for a single moment, dobe, I am going to castrate you."

"Even if she's having a bathroom break?"

"Fuck off."

She and Naruto sat in front of the television—him teaching her the controls of the video game, and her listening. She was good at remembering the controls—she just wasn't good at applying it to the actual game. Finally, he threw his controller down and lay flat on the floor.

"Ever since you came back with your memory wiped, Sasuke's been different."

She looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"He's been talking less. Shorter temper. I don't know what happened over with Akatsuki, but Sakura-chan, try to remember. Try for him."

Suddenly irritated (_a new experience_), she snapped at him. "He's _always_ telling me that. I always obey orders—but you can't remember something on an order. Stop telling me to try. I _am_."

His eyes were so blue. "I know. Thanks." Somehow, his lopsided smile was comforting. "Akatsuki's pretty intense—the first time, it didn't take you this long to regain more human qualities. They must've improved the drug they injected you with." He sighed. "Sasuke doesn't show it, but he really cares."

She swallowed. "I think I care, too."

(_if only she knew how._)

* * *

"_See, aren't heartbeats peaceful?" she asked when he finally pressed his ear to her chest._

"_I suppose."_

"_What, you don't think so?" Silence. She looked down to see that his eyes had fluttered shut. His breathing was even, and she smiled softly._

_Silly Sasuke._

* * *

She pulled the needle out of the defect's arm, waiting for the life to drain out of him, the breaths to quiet into nothing.

(_it was unnerving._)

Sasuke made her soft. Until she met Sasuke, until she came here—she didn't care who she killed, who she patched up. All she did was amputate and terminate—but now, the sight of a lifeless body made her want to vomit.

She sat against the wall, hugging her knees against her chest. It was a bad idea—she should dispose of the body before it went into postmortem, or else it'd be difficult to handle. But she was just suddenly so tired.

She didn't notice that something was wrong until it was too late.

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Oh my God. Is that—is that—" Choke. Swallow.

"That's Naruto."

(_step, step, stepstepstep—_)

**Don't be dead.  
Please, don't be dead.  
I need you.  
I **_**need**_** you.**

(_thump, thump—stop._)

"Sasuke-kun…" Shaky breath. "He's not breathing."

Nudge. "He's already gone into postmortem. It must've been a while ago."

(_gasp. gasp. gasp._)

"He's not _breathing_, Sasuke-kun. He's _dead_."

**How could you leave me, Naruto?  
You were the one person that I ever needed—  
I could survive without Shishou, I could survive without Ino—I could even survive without Sasuke-kun—  
But you? I could never survive without you.**

**I can't.**

"I know."

"No! You _don't_ know, Sasuke-kun! He's _dead_! Naruto—Naruto's _dead_!"

"You can't help it, Sakura—"

"_You_ can't help it, but _I_ can! Do you _know_ how important he is to me? While you've been gone, killing off the rest of your goddamn family, Naruto was the only person I had! He's _nothing_ to you, Sasuke-kun—but he's _everything_ to me!"

(_collapse. tears. gasp._)

"Calm down, Sakura."

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down when my best friend just _died_!"

Naruto. Naruto. Naruto.

Her Naruto.

_Gone._

**Don't tell me to calmly let go of the person who was always there when you weren't.**

"I'm not in the mood to be touched, Sasuke-kun. When you hug people, it's fucking creepy."

"I'm going to say this once, so just shut up and listen."

(_inhale. exhale. breathe. breathe._)

**You're not supposed to feel comforting.**

"Sakura, you are all I have left. And I am all you have left. And there is no room left for pride or humiliation. You love me. So…I will try to love you back. But you have to _let_ me try."

Sniff. "Naruto's gone."

**Hug me tighter. Make the pain go away.**

"I know."

(_breathe._)

* * *

"Sakura-chan!" The door slammed open, and she looked up with groggy eyes. She didn't even realize she fell asleep. It was Naruto—he was clutching his shoulder, which was bleeding. "We have to get out of here!"

"What happened?"

"The mansion's on fire! Fuck, Sasuke's not back yet—"

She swallowed. Fire? Who would want to set the Uchiha Mansion on fire—this gorgeous, beautiful place—

"The patients," she exclaimed, racing out the door. "Sasuke would want me to evacuate the patients—"

"Forget about the patients—just get the hell out of here!" Naruto grabbed her arm as she tried to run past him, grunting as she bumped into his injured arm. "They splashed gasoline everywhere—you won't have time to get them!"

"They? Who're they?" She let him usher her up the stairs to the main floor. The smell of smoke was already thick in the air, the heat getting more intense with every step.

"Akatsuki, those fuckers—who else?"

(_akatsuki. her nightmare._)

"The fire," she gasped. "Deidara's here—"

"Yeah, that son of a bitch. Hidan's here too—I think they're the official exterminators—"

She froze in her tracks when she saw Sasuke's room. Sasuke's beautiful, beautiful room with deep red décor, burning down with orange and yellow flames, creating an image of destruction in her mind—

(_there were so many mornings when she woke up, and he as right there._)

"C'mon, Sakura-chan!"

Burning rubble was falling down all around them, creating a cage of flames. The heat was scorching on her skin, Naruto's voice was loud in her ears, and her blood was pulsing through her veins—she could barely breathe from all of the smoke, but she couldn't take her eyes off of that room.

That room meant something. That was the room—that was the room where she lived. That was the room where she _dreamt_.

And it was burning down.

(_she had always wondered if he ever dreamt of her while he was sleeping._)

She sniffed involuntarily, and realized she was crying.

"Where's Sasuke?" Her voice seemed small amidst all of the other noise. Naruto didn't answer her—merely picked her up and threw her roughly over her shoulder, leaping through the flames.

The outside air was blissfully cool, but she felt anything but relieved. Once Naruto set her on the ground, she stood up to go back inside—only to find that her legs were shaking and she couldn't move. She looked around frantically, searching for Sasuke—but he wasn't there.

The patients. The books. His room.

Their room.

"Thought they'd die in there for sure, yeah. We loaded that place with propane."

"Whatever. We'll just have to fucking kill them now." Her head turned sharply in the direction of the voices, two emotions she had just become very familiar with burning in her—fear and anger.

"What the hell do you guys want?" Naruto demanded.

Deidara tilted his head to the side. "Itachi's dead, yeah. D'you know who killed him? Sasuke. Fitting, really—since Itachi was the reason why their parents are dead. The kid never did let it go."

She sat on the ground, unable to stand, unable to do anything.

"People die in Akatsuki all the time," Naruto growled, a hand resting on his belt, where she knew a gun was sitting. "I mean, there was Orochimaru—"

"Shut up," Hidan said disdainfully, cleaning his ear with a pinky. "Can we beat the shit of you yet?"

"Fuck off!"

Deidara shrugged, his lips spreading into a maniacal grin. "I got a couple of grenades left on me. Let's do thi—" He stopped, mid-word, when a gunshot rang in the air. For a moment, he choked, spitting out blood—before falling to the ground, lifeless.

(_sasuke?_)

**

* * *

notes:** hope everyone's having a good summer break! mine's pretty decent, but i wish i didn't have to study for any exams. :(


	8. unheard whispers

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Let's go to Suna. I think all of the survivors and refugees are living there."

"Hn."

**I don't want to admit it, but everything feels so empty.  
There's nothing left in this barren land. I have nothing left.  
Nothing but you—but what good is that, when you're empty too?**

"Was that a yes?"

"There's nowhere else left to go."

(_step. step. step._)

**We'll try, right? I'll try to stand up, and you'll try to put yourself together again.****  
We'll try, because we still have each other—  
And that's actually a lot more than I had ever expected.**

"Sasuke-kun…can I hold your hand?"

Grunt. "Only if you don't make a big show about it."

Small smile. "There's no one to make a big show about it to." _Oh, Sasuke-kun._

(_thump. thump. thump._)

**I love you.**

* * *

The mansion was still burning down behind them, but she didn't notice. She stared, gaping, into dark eyes.

Sasuke was here. Sasuke was going to save them. He already took out Deidara—he could kill Hidan easily.

"Sakura." Her name sounded so good when he said it. "Give me the gun."

Her eyes widened, and she stared down at her hands, cold and clammy and shaking—and holding a heavy, black gun. Her heart momentarily stopped, and she found it impossible to breathe.

When did she take out the gun?

She always had it with her—Sasuke told her to keep it with her, but she never knew why. And she didn't know how to use a gun, either—but she still managed to remove the safety, aim it at Deidara and hit a vital spot.

And before she realized it, she was crying.

"Don't move," Sasuke told her softly, lips just a hair's breadth away from her ear, before pulling away and standing up. The gun left her hand, and she watched as he stood beside Naruto, who was still clutching his wounded arm.

Hidan stood alone, cackling. "This is fucking awesome!" He then pulled a long, terrifyingly sharp blade out from his sleeve, charging towards them.

Sasuke held the gun out in front of him with both hands, shooting the silver-haired man repeatedly three times. "Dobe, where the hell is your gun?"

"Out of ammo!" Naruto yelled, wielding a pocketknife in his good hand. "But don't worry about me—nothing kills Uzumaki Naruto. I play Resident Evil for a reason!"

(_but this wasn't a game. you didn't get second chances._)

Out of the three bullets shot, two hit Hidan—but neither of them in vital spots. He merely cackled, never faltering in his run towards them, blade swinging wildly in his hand. She sat, hands clenched and knuckles white, praying to whatever godly force that might exist that everything would be okay.

Sasuke swore loudly when the knife barely missed his head. He shot at Hidan again, but missed—and then the gun was empty.

(_this was real life._)

"Sasuke!" The Uchiha looked up for a brief moment at Naruto, who was running at full speed towards him and Hidan. With a grim smirk, he grabbed the silver-haired man and held him in a tight lock, earning a gash in his hand in the process. Nevertheless, Naruto managed to stab him right in the back of his neck, and the Akatsuki member froze.

Breathing heavily, Sasuke let him go, staggering backwards, grasping his injured hand.

"Hah," Hidan gasped, coughing out blood. "This is fucking hilarious. It wasn't supposed to turn out—this way." His violet eyes flashed dangerously, and he slowly wiped the blood from his mouth. "If I'm going down, I'm taking one of you with me!" He lunged for Sasuke, who he was facing, but his arm wasn't long enough to reach. Naruto acted on instinct and reached out to stop him, but in one smooth motion, Hidan spun on his heels, his blade swinging in a full circle, and by a stroke of luck, lodged right into the blonde's neck.

She wasn't quite sure what to feel.

Time froze. Not for her, but it seemed like it did for Sasuke, because when she looked at him, his eyes were wide with unadulterated shock and horror.

(_in real life, you didn't get second chances._)

"Sakura…" His voice was shaky as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and tossed it at her without taking his eyes off of Naruto and Hidan. "Call nine-one-one. _Now._" While her fingers were still fumbling on the buttons, he ran towards Hidan and punched his jaw, sending him straight to the ground, unconscious.

By the time the police, fire truck and ambulance arrived, she and Sasuke were on their knees on either side of Naruto, knife still in his neck—but being a doctor, she already knew it was too late.

He was gone.

(_this was real life, and once you died, it was game over._)

* * *

"_Sasuke, where did all of these bras come from?"_

"_I checked your size while doing the laundry, and got some new ones for you."_

_She glanced at the underwear in her hands for a long moment—three pairs, and all of them white and modest—"Thanks."_

_He turned away. "You're welcome."_

* * *

Everything was quiet. They sat side by side in Naruto's apartment, littered with dirty clothes. There were milk cartons and empty cup ramen on the table, but she didn't feel like cleaning.

It'd been two days since the event. She was still a bit numb, but she was getting better—but Sasuke was another story.

When she looked at him, she felt something tug at her heartstrings. He hadn't shaven in days, and it looked like he wasn't getting much sleep, either. She was quickly learning her emotions—fear, anger, and now, pain. She had not known a single good feeling. And considering Sasuke, he wasn't feeling very good either.

"Dammit," he muttered, his hands clenching into fists. "If only I returned sooner—if only I was more careful—Itachi would've never seen you, and it would've never came to this—"

"It's not your fault," she said for the umpteenth time. She'd said it so many times that it didn't even sound convincing anymore.

"If I don't blame myself, who do I blame?" Sasuke demanded, facing her. His eyes were so dull—they reminded her of herself. "Naruto's _dead_, Sakura. He was my best friend—we were together from the very beginning—" He took a large gulp of air, calming himself. "He told me not to get involved with Akatsuki. He told me to let go of my family's death. If I kept my cool, if I didn't kill Itachi—"

"You killed him for me," she said softly, wondering if she should take his hand. His wound still hadn't healed, and it was bandaged. She changed it regularly. "Not for you. It's not your fault."

"You don't know _anything_!" He lashed out at her, hands wrapping threateningly around her throat. She gasped, choking on herself. "You seem to forget that you're not allowed to exist. Did you forget that I own you? Did you forget that you don't have rights or privileges? You were like a fucking _child_, always asking if you could go outside or feel the goddamn _wind_, and you know what? The wind is fucking _bitter_!"

She struggled to breathe, staring at him with frightened eyes. "I'm sorry," she managed. "Your—your hand—don't strain it too much—"

His hands remained around her neck for a long moment, before he finally let go. She backed away from him, coughing and gasping for air. He momentarily glanced at his bandaged hand. Blood was spreading on it—the gash had reopened. Without hesitation, she reached out for it to unwrap the bandages. He let her.

(_she would always be his. and he knew that she'd never hurt him._)

"Sorry." He ruffled his hair with his good hand. "I'm…not in full control over myself right now."

"It's okay."

"I just tried to kill you."

"It's okay." She carefully removed the bandages and placed them onto the coffee table. Upon inspecting the wound, she found that it was closing. Not in a normal way, but by the second. "Sasuke, your wound—"

"Your hands are glowing." When she looked, she realized he was right—there was a soft green light around her hands. "Just like in my dreams."

(_he dreamt of her?_)

She repositioned her hands so they were hovering over his injury—and sure enough, the flesh was healing itself. She watched in fascination. "This isn't supposed to be possible."

"Neither is standing on water or blowing fire."

When Sasuke's hand was completely healed, both of them stared at it for a long moment. "Wow," she breathed, a small smile on her lips. "That's amazing." She looked up at him. "That's amazing."

"It is."

And she felt something—she didn't know if it was normal or not, but it was like some sort of pull towards him. He placed his hand back onto the couch, and they were silent for a few moments, until she spoke.

"What am I to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Me." She was careful to not make eye contact. "Am I just your doctor, or your possession—what am I?"

He was silent for a moment. "You are…everything."

"Everything?"

"You're my doctor and my possession, but you're also my savior and my friend. You're…" He let out a small sigh, and shifted so he could rest his head on her lap. "You're Sakura." She hesitated for a moment, but let her fingers comb gently through his hair. His dark eyes on her were strangely comforting. "And what about me? What am I to you?"

"I have nothing to compare you to. So I don't know." His hair was soft. "But you're important."

She didn't know how long they stayed like that for, just looking at each other—but it was comfortable. Sasuke needed support right now—after losing his best friend, his home, and very possibly his job, he needed everything she could give.

"The other day, I was reading about the act of kissing," she said absently, in hopes to get his mind off of unhappy topics. "I would like to experience it someday."

"And why's that?"

"It seems to give nice feelings—I would like to feel nice." She smiled softly.

His eyes were empty. "Itachi kissed you back at Akatsuki."

"But it didn't feel nice. It's not considered a kiss."

(_she didn't feel the way the books said she was supposed to feel._)

Sasuke sat up, rolling his shoulders. "Well, if we ever get in touch with Akatsuki again, maybe you could find a patient to kiss. I'm going to take a shower."

She thought it was a good idea, but said nothing as she watched him trudge into his dead best friend's bathroom.

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Have you ever thought about reviving your clan?"

"Not particularly. Would you like to have children?"

Laugh. "Little black-haired, green-eyed babies? That's a thought."

(_light. faith. hope?_)

Smirk. "Their eyes won't be green, because they'll have the Sharingan."

"Hey! My genes have got to transfer somehow! Maybe they'll have pink hair?"

**Denial is the way to go.  
I deny the fact that Naruto is dead.  
I deny the fact that my home is gone.  
I deny everything.  
And I'll continue denying it, because you're here.**

"Pink and red clash. No."

Oh, Sasuke-kun.

**My Suna hitai-ate feels so heavy.**

"For the record, we don't get to choose how our children look. We'll just have to experiment."

"We're disowning them if they have pink hair."

"Hey!"

**But I suppose things get better with time.**

(_thump. thump. thump._)

* * *

"I never thought I'd live to thank Naruto's large ramen stash," Sasuke said as they watched the news. Every day, his face would appear as a wanted criminal for killing Uchiha Itachi, one of the highly influential members of Akatsuki Co. They couldn't leave the apartment.

Never once did they announce the death of Uzumaki Naruto, one of the CEOs of Uchiha Inc.

"I miss him," she said, hugging her knees to her chest.

"You barely knew him."

"I knew him." She looked at Sasuke. "I don't remember it, but I did. And it's weird, because…I can feel it. It hurts."

(_it hurt, right where her heart was. right where her heart was supposed to be._)

He didn't answer her. She closed her eyes. "I hope I remember soon." When she rested her head on his shoulder, he let her. He let her do a lot of things these days—it seemed like he was too tired to tell her not to.

(_she would've went outside, she would've opened the windows—but it didn't feel as important as the breaking man sitting next to her._)

"Are you still up for kissing?" When she looked at him curiously, his eyes were half-lidded and empty, looking at the television screen—but she got the feeling that he wasn't really _seeing_ anything.

"I'm still interested to see why people do it."

"Some people do it for love. Some for lust. Some…do it for the comfort." (_to know that they weren't alone._)

"Are you doing it for comfort?" she asked.

"If you'd let me."

"All you have to do is tell me."

He met her gaze. "I'm not telling you to do this as my possession, Sakura. I'm asking you to do it as my equal. You have the right to decline."

"I want to do it," she insisted.

They looked at each other for a long moment. His breaths were steady, and from up close, she realized how long his lashes were—how much more beautiful he was than her. She smiled faintly, and closed her eyes. When she didn't feel him coming any closer, she opened them again.

"Aren't you going to kiss me?"

He tilted his head to the side, as if thinking. He was so tired. He shouldn't have to think. "No," he finally said. "You're not ready." But he slipped an arm around her, and pulled her close. "Just stay here with me."

"For comfort?"

"For comfort."

(_because he wasn't alone. and neither was she._)

The doorbell rang, but neither of them moved. She closed her eyes and enjoyed Sasuke's warmth—he was just so warm.

But the doorbell persisted, even several minutes later, so finally, she reluctantly stood up and shuffled over to look through the peephole. It was a face she didn't see often, but she knew it.

"Do I open the door?" she asked Sasuke, who had made his way to stand behind her.

"Who is it?"

"Hoshigaki Kisame."

**

* * *

notes:** school starts in a couple of days, nooo D:

_dear Unisawr: get a fanfiction account. i dare you. i hate getting your reviews and having no way of replying to them. :( they're always so in depth and everything._


	9. quiet acceptance

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"What was it like in Oto? Like, with Orochimaru?"

"Isolated." Pause. "Lonely."

"You feel loneliness?"

"Everyone does, Sakura. It's just a matter of whether they show it or not."

**Because in the end, we're all human.  
When it comes to you, I seem to forget that.**

(_breathe. breathe. breathe._)

Smile. "Can we cuddle?"

"No."

"To make up for all of that loneliness."

Glare. "Fine."

**You're making it, Sasuke-kun. Step by step.**

"I love you."

"Hn."

* * *

"So basically, you've got two options." He placed a toothpick between his teeth. "Get the hell out of here, or spend the rest of your lives cooped up in this little apartment."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the tall, lumbering man. "Why are you helping us?"

Kisame shrugged. "I was pretty close to Itachi. He had a…soft spot for you."

Sasuke snorted. "Funny."

"I don't care if you believe me or not. The thing is, eventually," he looked around, "you're going to run out of cup ramen. And then you're screwed." When he grinned, she could see his sharp teeth—and he grinned a lot.

"Where would we go?" she asked Sasuke.

"We're not going anywhere," he replied tersely.

Kisame chuckled. "You're making a big mistake, kid. You don't even _know_ the real world yet."

"Of course not," Sasuke agreed dryly. "My parents were shot to death right before my eight-year-old eyes by my own brother, who I looked up to and respected. I'm involved with an organization that does dirty work. I don't know the real world at all."

The other man rolled his eyes. "What I mean is, there isn't just black and white. There's a lot of grey out there."

"Right. Now, if you don't mind, would you please get out?"

Kisame's teeth were unnervingly sharp. "Oh, and remember, if the police don't find you, Akatsuki will beat them to it. There are things we want you to do." His eyes shone.

"And you're saying you're not part of Akatsuki anymore?" But the large man was already making his way to the door.

"Let's just say…" The large hand paused on the door handle. "…that this is our little secret."

And the door shut.

**

* * *

please**_**  
don't**_**  
f a d e**

* * *

Sasuke was quiet for hours after that. She went around, cleaning—although there wasn't exactly anything to clean anymore. The bookshelves here were scarce, save for some comics—which she had gone through within a few hours.

Everything here reminded her of Naruto. And although she didn't exactly know him, with her memory and all—it still hurt.

Finally, after dinner, Sasuke spoke. "We're going to Akatsuki."

She was surprised. "Why?"

"To talk to Hoshigaki Kisame." He looked solemn. "I want information. About my brother."

"Your brother's dead," she pointed out. He shot her a look, and she clamped her mouth shut.

"We'll go tomorrow night," he continued. "Depending on what happens, you might want to pack some things beforehand. We might not come back."

"Akatsuki's dangerous, though." Her brows furrowed. "Itachi's dead, Hidan's dead, Deidara's dead"—(_no, no, no, she did _not_ kill deidara_)—"because of us. Will they let us live?"

He didn't answer for a moment. "I went through Itachi's will a little while back. I found that he wanted me to fill his position in Akatsuki, under all circumstances."

She was baffled. "Really? But that makes no sense…"

(_itachi. cold, cruel itachi._)

"Which is why I want to talk to Kisame. There's a possibility that he knows more than the others."

(_sasuke. kind, kind sasuke._)

She swallowed, an eerie feeling creeping over her. "Will we be okay?"

His answer was resolute. "Yes."

(_maybe they meant something to each other._)

* * *

"_For once, can you smile?"_

"_I haven't smiled in years, Sakura."_

"_It's not that hard. See? Even I can do it." She smiled._

"_It doesn't count if it's not real."_

_The smile melted away into the usual straight line her lips were in, and she returned to her book._

* * *

The place made shivers go up her spine. Memories that she couldn't remember told her that this wasn't a safe place—the feeling of foreboding grew with every step she took, right behind Sasuke. She moved a little closer to him when they passed Sasori in the corridor, but he merely glanced at them before continuing on his way.

They entered the main lounge, with the couches and the armchairs, and there they found Kakuzu. Through some strange connections, Kakuzu and Hidan were rather close—would he be angry with them for killing him?

"Kakuzu," Sasuke greeted. The other man nodded, his discolored eyes looking oddly out of place in the dark. "Where's Kisame?"

He shrugged. "Around. I'll go find him. Would you like me to get Pein as well?"

"If you wouldn't mind."

As Kakuzu left the room, she and Sasuke settled down in a couch. She was a little surprised that they hadn't even made a move to hurt them yet—but then again, they were Akatsuki. They were levelheaded and smart.

(_and those who weren't, ended up dead._)

"I'm scared," she said—more to herself than anything. It made her feel a little more real when she voiced out her feelings.

"There's nothing to be scared of," Sasuke remarked, not looking at her. He had his elbows resting on his thighs, fingers laced delicately, hiding his mouth—but from the way the rest of his features were, she could tell his jaw was clenched.

"They're dangerous," she reminded him.

"As if I don't know that."

It was then that Kisame sauntered in, appearing nonchalant. His grin said otherwise, though.

"I knew you'd come," he said, situating himself in the couch across from them, getting comfortable. "You're just a kid at heart, Sasuke. Always wanting to know everything."

"Wouldn't you?" Sasuke asked, his tone lilting.

Kisame chuckled. "Who knows." She could feel the air growing tenser, and she shifted so she sat a little closer to Sasuke. She heard his breathing slow a little as their arms pressed together, and she tried to follow the pace of his breathing. Her heart was beating too fast.

"If you wouldn't mind," he said flatly, "I would appreciate it if you told me all you knew about Itachi."

"Did you think I'd just tell you?" Kisame snorted. "Granted, I'm not going to hurt you, but that doesn't apply to anyone else here. There's important information on Itachi. You're going to have to work for it."

"Basically, you're saying that you'll tell me if I agree I'll join Akatsuki." His voice was steely.

"Good job. You've never been stupid, Sasuke."

It was then that Pein entered the room, and her body immediately stiffened, her hands clenching into fists tight enough for her nails to dig into her palms.

(_danger. danger. run._)

"Uchiha Sasuke." His voice had a sense of dark foreboding. "I see you've come out at last."

"You hardly give me a choice."

It was all she could do to not stand up and run straight for the door.

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Um…hi?"

**Our lives have been anything but amusing, but—  
What the hell are you doing, Sasuke-kun?**

"Just take it."

(_blink. thump. thumpthumpthump—_)

"Um, are you proposing to me? 'Cause if you are, we're hardly ready, and that's the worst proposal ever. You're not even on your knee."

"I don't kneel before women."

"Hah. Funny."

A ring. A shiny, simple, but oddly stunning ring.

**What is this supposed to **_**mean**_**?**

(_thumpthumpthumpthumpthump—_)

"How obvious do I have to be?" Scowl. "Is it not enough that I'm the one doing this?"

**Actually, yes. It's more than enough.  
This is more than I could ever ask for.  
Which is why I'm doubting you.**

"Why do you even want to get married?"

Pause. "I want…an anchor. I _need_ an anchor."

"Oh, so now I'm an anchor, huh? Keeping you in place—mmphg!"

**Yes, **_**yes**_**, I'll marry you, Sasuke-kun—  
Anchor or not, it means you need me.**

"It looks good on you."

"You've always had good taste."

**Thank you.**

(_thump._)

* * *

Sasuke was given a room that was much nicer than her room had ever been. It was decorated with red and black décor—but the last thing it felt like was at home.

That night, she could barely sleep. She rolled over and watched Sasuke breathe, and wondered if she would ever be able to walk outside in broad daylight with him. She'd like to visit a hospital someday—maybe she could become a real doctor.

(_wishful thinking._)

She froze when she realized her hand was partway to Sasuke's face—his hair looked awfully soft. If he found out, he'd definitely scold her.

Just when the morning light began to filter into the room, she finally drifted off, listening to his easy breaths.

* * *

"_You're an amazing person, Sasuke. You can do amazing things."_

_He looked almost lifeless. "That's not true."_

"_Why not?"_

"_No matter how much you try, you can't fly with paper wings."_

* * *

Her insomnia grew as the days wore on. Every night, she was haunted by the whimpers and screams of her experiments (_they're patients,_ she wanted to yell out the window—out to the world) when Sasuke turned off the lights, letting the darkness curl around her. She would never inch closer to Sasuke for warmth or a sense of security—it was best not to risk it.

It was one week after they had joined Akatsuki that there was a soft knock at the door, a little past midnight. She ignored it, but it persisted—just as soft, but not backing down.

"Sasuke," she whispered, nudging him. "There's someone at the door."

"See who it is." He had always been a light sleeper—she didn't doubt that she woke him up several times at night with her shuffling about. Slipping out of bed and tiptoeing across the room, she unlocked the door and pulled it open by a small crack—nearly gasping when she saw dark eyes glinting sinisterly.

"Relax," the person hissed. And she did, just a little, and opened the door further—it was Kisame. "Let me in."

(_don't bother sasuke while he's resting._)

She stepped back so he could enter the room, and shut the door quietly. Sasuke sat up in bed, hair tousled a little and looking grumpy. "What could you possibly want at this hour?"

"You want to know about Itachi, don't you?" Kisame crossed his arms. "It's not exactly something we can talk about in broad daylight." She saw Sasuke tense in the dark, and she crawled back into bed, sitting close to him under the covers.

(_maybe it was to support him. maybe it was for the comfort. maybe it was both._)

"Talk."

Kisame sighed a little huffily. "Itachi never really told me much himself, but I figured out enough over the years. I'm pretty sure he's not actually with Akatsuki—more like he was in it to overthrow it. Y'know, the whole 'destroy from the inside' thing." Sasuke remained quiet, so he continued. "When he joined, he was thirteen—I was actually pretty surprised, since he was the youngest out of all of the members."

"That doesn't explain why he killed my parents," Sasuke said shortly.

"Akatsuki questioned his loyalty," Kisame answered without missing a beat. "He had to prove that it was with us."

"But he let me survive."

"He convinced Pein that you would make a good addition to the group once you were older. Really, though, I think he just had a soft spot for you." Kisame's teeth glinted eerily in the moonlight when he grinned. "Sweet, ain't it?"

Sasuke ignored his joke. "When he found out that I didn't kill Sakura, he took her back. He unnecessarily taunted me about her and dangled her in front of me like bait."

"Sakura's just a girl, Sasuke." She flinched at that. (_just a girl._) "If you can't handle the loss of her, how can you handle Akatsuki?"

"So are you saying that Itachi expected me to follow in his footsteps?"

"I don't know, man. Maybe. I won't deny it—we're corrupted. I'm only here for financial stability and all, and I can't exactly leave once I get myself in—but if this place ever falls apart, I wouldn't mind living by the sea or something."

"I don't want to hear your aspirations," Sasuke said dully.

Kisame grinned. "You and Itachi are so alike, it cracks me up. G'night, Sasuke." Sasuke grunted, and Kisame slipped out the door, surprisingly quiet for someone of his size.

It was silent for a short while after he left, but Sasuke didn't go back to sleep. She peered at him curiously, still mulling over the exchange in her mind.

(_itachi was not supposed to be a good person._)

"He didn't kill them out of spite," he finally said, voice hoarse. "Not to test his limitations."

(_for the benefit of the world. the future._)

"Now you don't have to chase after him anymore," she said quietly, hoping she sounded encouraging. "Isn't that a good thing?" Her feet were cold, despite being underneath the covers. She didn't know why.

"I don't know." He was barely audible, and she squeaked in surprise when he pushed her back onto the pillows, his touch surprisingly gentle.

"Sasuke?" He pulled the blankets up higher and his arm draped over her stomach, pulling her closer. "Are you alright?" He didn't answer, and pressed his face into the crook of her neck. His warm breath on her skin made her pulse race, and if anything, it would worsen her insomnia. She would never be able to sleep if he was this close to her.

But maybe—maybe, this wasn't so bad.

(_she was still here. they were still together._)

"I've been chasing Itachi all my life," he said, sounding oddly broken. "And now, my life goal has just been ripped out of my hands. There isn't even satisfaction in having killed him anymore."

She hesitated, but let her fingers weave into his hair. It was as soft as it looked. He exhaled softly in—what was it? Content?

(_if only she could read him._)

"There are more important things in life than revenge and killing," she said—but she doubted herself, because what did she know? Perhaps the inside of every medical textbook, but that was all. She had no right to be advising Sasuke on his life.

"Like what?"

"Like—" She hesitated. "Like the wind. Like the sun. Like…me." She could see his heart cracking underneath his ribcage—if only she could heal it with her hands. But it didn't work that way. "I'm still here. Didn't you say that I was everything you valued?" Her hand moved through his hair in cautious strokes.

(_when did she become so attached?_)

"Yes," Sasuke breathed. "You're everything I value."

"Then…isn't that enough?" Her voice was shaking. It felt like her heart was going to swell and burst.

He was silent for a moment. "Perhaps it is."

When she finally fell asleep with Sasuke's hair tickling her nose, she knew she dreamt of him. She didn't know what they were doing or where they were, but she knew he was there, and they were happy.

And if anything, _that_ was enough.

**

* * *

notes:** i don't even remember what this story is about anymore. how do you guys do it?

really stressed with school, piano, work, a boy, life.


	10. bright eyes

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"This feels so weird. We didn't even have a ceremony."

"Did you want a ceremony?"

"Oh, no! Neither of us has family members left anyway. There really wouldn't be a point. And Naruto's gone…"

**All I want is to be with you.  
This is so bittersweet, Sasuke-kun—  
But maybe it's sweeter than it is bitter.**

"He's not gone."

(_blink._)

Sasuke-kun?

"He's gone, Sasuke-kun. He's dead."

"You can feel him in the wind, can't you? The sun."

(_thump. thump. thump._)

Smile. "You're right. He's right here with us."

"Hn."

**And you'll never leave me either, will you?**

* * *

Sasuke's hands held her waist firmly. "Don't put all of your weight on it until you can feel it supporting you." She held her breath as she shifted some of her weight onto her foot, creating ripples in the water of the bathtub.

"Is there a reason why we're doing this?" She asked, hands flying to Sasuke's arms for support when her foot suddenly broke the surface of the water. He held her still, and kept the majority of her dry.

"Not one you may find particularly important, but yes." He cleverly avoided her question. She decided not to pry.

It was quiet for the next few minutes, and she smiled when Sasuke held her by her hand, and only her hand—the rest of her standing on the water, without any other support. "It almost seems magical."

"It's almost logical, if you think about it. You're redirecting energy to your feet to hold yourself up."

Her smile widened when he helped her down from the tub, fingers holding her hand tight. "Oh, and I've gotten better at my healing," she said, tugging him out of the bathroom and into his room. The two rooms were connected, assuring them utter privacy—for which she was glad, because Sasuke was the only one she was comfortable around. "Would you like to see? It makes it much cleaner to close up the wounds after I kill the experiments before I dispose of the bodies."

(_it makes it less grotesque._)

"Does anyone else know of your abilities?"

She blinked. "No, I don't think so."

"Keep if that way, if you can. I don't want anyone finding out. Stop healing your dead experiments—it's a waste of energy." His tone became curt. She frowned, but nodded.

"Okay."

Someone knocked on the door, and Sasuke immediately pulled his hand from her grasp. "What?"

"It's Kisame. You two aren't doing anything raunchy, are you?" Raunchy. That was a new word to look up. Sasuke scowled, before stalking over to the door and opening it. "Oh, good. You're dressed."

"Why wouldn't we be?" she asked timidly. Kisame was the one Akatsuki member that she deemed safe enough to ask small questions to.

The large man grinned. "You should ask Sasuke." He quickly stepped in and shut the door behind him, before fishing something out of his pocket. It was a compact needle; filled with a clear, yellow liquid. "Pein and Konan are the ones in charge of the drugs, but I happened upon a sample of what Itachi gave Sakura in one of his drawers. I may not be the best at this stuff, but I managed to make an antidote. I'm not positive if it'll work."

Sasuke eyed him suspiciously. "Why are you giving this to us?"

"Because I want to see what'll happen, of course." Kisame's eyes glinted dangerously. "With Itachi gone, you're my next form of entertainment."

Sasuke looked at him for a long moment, as if calculating and weighing the pros and cons, before he slowly accepted the antidote from Kisame's large hand. "I'll thank you if it works." He then turned to Sakura, and beckoned her over.

"Will this give me my memories back?"

"Hopefully." Finding an artery in her arm, he popped off the cap of the needle and pressed it to her skin. She couldn't help but shiver. "Kisame, are there any side effects? How long will it take before it'll start working?"

Kisame shrugged. "Don't know. This is the first time it's been used."

Sasuke looked at her. "Do you want to do this?" And she felt touched, that he would even consider asking her—but when she looked at him, she could see it in his eyes—

(_please say yes, _please_._)

"Yeah." She nodded, swallowing. She flinched a little when the needle pierced her skin, but watched until the entire antidote had been injected into her and the needle had been pulled out. The entire room was silent in quiet anticipation. She felt as though she needed to do something.

(_but you couldn't just remember something at will. some things, she couldn't even do for sasuke._)

One minute passed. Then two. Kisame crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, and Sasuke put the cap back onto the needle, and slipped it into his pocket. Finally, she gathered the courage to say something.

"Sorry."

**

* * *

S T O P  
FADING**_**  
please**_

* * *

The days passed by slowly. There was a new wave of failed experiments—and she spent most of her time working, trying to patch them up and amputate any infected limbs, so they could go back to being lab rats.

(_she wasn't sure which was worse—being tested on, or being the one sending them back to be tested on._)

Occasionally, Zetsu would come to monitor her work. He was quiet, but unmistakably dangerous, with his oddly sharp teeth, and the way his eyes flitted around the room, seemingly catching everything that she did. Sasuke was here and there—he would sometimes drop by to check on her, but never stayed for long. There was one night when he didn't return to his room at all.

She didn't know why, but she made sure not to sleep on his side of the bed, in case he came back after she fell asleep.

Finally, one week passed, and she shuffled into the kitchen for a midnight snack. Before, she'd never been allowed to—but being with Sasuke allowed her special privileges.

It was empty, save for Sasuke himself—he had a tomato in hand, and seemed to be admiring it before he ate it like someone would eat an apple. Used to this sight, she looked into the fridge to see if there was any onigiri.

They said nothing to each other for a while—Sasuke eating his tomato, and her not finding any onigiri, and settling on drinking milk instead. Then finally:

"Do you remember anything?" His voice was barely audible—most likely because he didn't want anyone to know about their little secret.

She shook her head. "No. I'm sorry."

Sighing, Sasuke leaned against the counter. "Let me tell you something. I helped you learn how to stand on water because I feel there's something about us that neither of us know. I want you to hide your healing abilities, because they might just get us killed." He looked at her straight in the eye, and she suppressed a shiver. "I dream of you, Sakura. That has to mean something."

Not quite sure what to do with what he'd just told her, she responded with another question. "Are we going to stay here forever?"

"Not if I can help it."

She thought for the moment. "What does the wind feel like? And the sun?"

His eyes were so dark. "The wind feels like life. And the sun…like love." She inhaled sharply at the thought of feeling life and love on her skin, and—

"May I go outside?"

His features sharpened immediately. "No."

"But—I would really like to feel the wind and the sun—"

"_No._" She shrunk back at the sound of his voice, which was suddenly so frightening. "You—" He walked straight to the garbage bin, and dropped his unfinished tomato in it. "You wouldn't _need_ to go outside if you _remembered_—" He stopped, as if choking on himself.

"Remembered?"

Sasuke inhaled deeply, but he was still shaking. It was dark in the kitchen, but the moonlight from the window was enough. "You've been outside before. You've felt the wind, the sun. Just—just _remember_, Sakura—I don't—" He paused, and the next part came out barely louder than a whisper. "I don't want to be alone anymore."

She blinked, overwhelmed by this sudden show of emotion. "But you're not alone. I'm right here."

"But you're so far away."

"We've gone through so much together, though."

"You don't remember half of it."

"Does it really matter?" She stepped closer to him, and after a moment's hesitation, took his hands in hers. "Is it really that important?"

(_if it was, she'd do everything she could to remember._)

"It feels like only half of you is here." It looked like he was struggling to keep himself relatively composed—this was the most broken she had ever seen him. She wondered if he had been this way before she lost her memories.

"Maybe…I need a stimulus," she suggested. "I read that in a book once—a person might need a physical, emotional, or mental stimulus to remember something."

"What kind of stimulus?" He sounded much too hopeful.

"Sometimes, a collision to the head works. Hit me."

"The loss of your memories is not related to a head injury."

"A mental stimulus?" she suggested. "Maybe if I went outside, and felt the wind and the sun."

He was silent for a moment. "Maybe tomorrow," he finally said. She smiled.

(tomorrow_ was such a promising word._)

* * *

"_Are these feelings of love and affection?"_

"_That might be it."_

"_But I thought you said you couldn't—"_

"_I thought I said you were the exception."_

* * *

The next day, after disposing of the latest batch of bodies, she returned to her workplace to clean up. She found Sasuke there, inspecting her tools and equipment.

"Firstly, I offered to shop for groceries this week. You're coming out with me—but under no circumstances are you allowed to speak to anyone, and you must be with me at all times. Do you understand?" Her eyes widened, because she didn't think that she'd ever be allowed outside—and at the supermarket, no less—and she nodded speechlessly.

(_step by step, she was closer to an artificial freedom. and maybe, an artificial freedom would be enough for her._)

"Second." He surveyed the room. "We'll need to talk to Kakuzu about providing you with a better working environment. I've never gotten around to fixing this place up."

"May I also have more morphine as well? I'm always running out."

"We'll discuss that too. Come."

"And then shopping?" She thought she caught the corners of his lips curving upwards by a fraction, but before she could take a better look, he had turned around strode out of the room.

"And then shopping."

Kakuzu was the only member of Akatsuki that she didn't see on a regular basis, other than Konan. The others were usually roaming around, and she often passed at least one of them when on her way to the dumpster, kitchen, or Sasuke's room. Kakuzu worked in his office, always surrounded by checks and receipts, sitting in front of his laptop. Sasuke rapped three times on the door, before opening it and entering without waiting for Kakuzu's response. She followed him, keeping her head down.

"Ah, Sasuke." Kakuzu put down his pen. "I was just thinking of talking to you."

"Great. What about?" Sasuke looked back at her. "Sakura, close the door. That's what you do if it was closed in the first place."

Kakuzu laced his fingers together on his desk. "You are aware that the credit card given to you draws money straight from Akatsuki's bank account, right?"

"What about it?"

"I have been keeping track of, ah, how do I say it…how much is spent on groceries each week. It seems like every time you're in charge of them, the cost increases by at least one half. And when I look in the fridge, I often notice an abundance of…" He paused, as if not believing what he was saying: "Tomatoes."

She hid behind Sasuke so Kakuzu wouldn't see the first hints of a smile on her lips.

"Tomatoes are high in vitamin C," Sasuke said dismissively. "They're healthy. On another note, I would like to discuss Sakura's working conditions."

Kakuzu frowned, but went along with the flow of the conversation. "Is she unsatisfied with them?"

"Only with the insufficient amount of morphine delivered to her. On the other hand, I would like a better environment. More advanced equipment, better lighting, and generally an area that isn't rotting and growing algae in some places."

The older man regarded Sasuke evenly. "Sakura-san's workplace is not a clinic, Sasuke. I hope you know that. It is merely a station for her to either terminate, or patch up the experiments—"

"A cleaner environment will decrease the chances of infection and dying of gangrene for the experiments. The less people to test on, the better, no?"

There was a tense silence. "I will see to having more morphine delivered on a regular basis," Kakuzu finally said, "and I will also see to what we can do about Sakura's working conditions. These decisions will ultimately lie with Pein."

"I hope you make a convincing argument, then." Sasuke sounded triumphant, and Kakuzu merely scowled. "Thank you for your time."

"Likewise."

When they left the office, she felt oddly warm—like the way she felt sometimes after having a mug of hot chocolate.

It was a nice feeling.

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Hey, Sasuke-kun—I thought you were leaving on a mission?"

"I"—heavy breaths, anticipated expression—"I want children."

(_blink. inhale._)

"What?"

_What?_

"Children. I want them."

**How am I supposed to feel?  
Am I supposed to be overjoyed?  
Starting a family—that's a big job, you know.**

"If you're going off on that _restoring your clan_ tangent again, like I said—"

"I want children." Hard eyes.

**The very thought of you trying to achieve happiness is beyond me.**

"We're shinobi, Sasuke-kun—hardly suitable parents. And with our personalities, I really don't think we could raise good children—"

(_thump. gasp. breathe._)

**Why is it that you always kiss me when you want something?**

"We're having children. We'll discuss this when I return."

"But…"

"I'll be off."

Pause. Smile. "Have a safe trip."

**We already seem like a family, don't we?  
Maybe a dysfunctional one, but still a family—one or two more members couldn't hurt.**

(_step. step. step._)

**Thank you, Sasuke-kun.**

* * *

Colors. Bright colors.

The world had _color_ to it.

She found herself looking in every which way in wonder—couples holding hands as they strolled down the sidewalk, a grandma slowly making her way with a cane in one hand and a shopping bag the other, children talking to their mothers animatedly—

The world had _life_.

"Don't stare. You attract enough attention as it is." Sasuke grabbed her arm and pulled her along, but she didn't mind—she was too busy taking everything in. They entered the supermarket (_doors that opened automatically_) and immediately, she got the feeling that she had just stepped into heaven.

"Sasuke?" She eyed the racks of candy by the cash register.

"What?" He was already making his way to the fruits and vegetables section.

"Thank you so much."

He looked back at her, expression unreadable—but it lost the sharp edge it usually had.

She was smiling brightly.

"You're welcome."

**

* * *

notes:** graduation photos are tomorrow for me, waaah, i hate school pictures. D:

hope you enjoyed this chapter! i really did. :) only two chapters left!


	11. wet eyelashes

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Sasuke-kun, not tonight—I need my sleep."

Grunt. "Why."

"I have an infiltration mission tomorrow. Please, let me rest? We've been doing this for an entire week."

**You're trying so hard. But sometimes, that won't get you anywhere.**

"Infiltration doesn't call for any physical endurance."

(_glare._)

"Just—just stop for a while, okay? I'm on my period, anyway."

Pause. "Fine."

**I can't bear to tell you.**

(_thump. thump. thump._)

* * *

She smiled softly, sadly. "Sorry. I—I don't remember anything."

Sasuke took his time answering. "You said there was one more type of stimulus?"

"Yeah. Emotional. If I've felt a strong feeling before I lost my memories, and it's triggered again…I might remember." It was their last chance.

(_she couldn't let him down._)

"You weren't exactly capable of feeling anything when we first met." He looked tired—she'd never seen him so worn before, except for after Naruto's death.

She bowed her head, unable to look at him. "Sorry." She sniffed a little when he stepped towards her, arms encircling her, almost in a parental manner. The frustration formed as tears—but she held them in easily. He'd probably scold her for ruining his shirt.

"Don't be." She felt his chin rest on the top of her head, one of his hands balling up in shirt in a fist.

For long while, they just stood that way—Sasuke holding her, her arms hanging limp at her side. She felt a little like a doll, or soft toy of some sort—only used for comfort, but abandoned and forgotten once the sun was high in the sky, and bed was the last place to be.

But she shouldn't be thinking that. She was more than a doll to Sasuke.

(_it was what kept her from falling apart._)

"I love you." The words were abrupt and clumsy in her voice, coming from her lips—but they were real, and they were sincere. She felt him hold his breath, and she shut her eyes tight. She had said something wrong.

"You don't." His voice was quiet, but not angry.

"I do," she insisted, pressing her face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. "I _do_."

"You don't even know what love is."

(_why didn't he believe her?_)

"It must be something like this," she said, bottom lip trembling, voice muffled by his skin. "I—I always want to be with you. I want to make you happy. I want to make you stop hurting."

He didn't respond immediately. "You can't love me."

(_why didn't he _believe_ her?_)

"Why _not_?"

"I'm not"—he uncharacteristically stumbled over his words—"I'm not worth your love."

"It's not up to us to choose who we love."

Pause. "You quoted that from some romance novel you read, didn't you?"

She blushed, but he didn't see. "Yes. But—but that doesn't change the fact that I love you." When she read the books, the characters felt embarrassment when they confessed their feelings—but she didn't feel any of that. She felt warm, she felt complete—almost.

"Shut up, Sakura." She pulled away a little so she could look up at him earnestly.

"Do you love me too?" She caught the way his eyes narrowed by a fraction.

"You don't just ask people that," he said brashly, the scowl obvious on his lips. She shrunk away.

"Sorry."

"But I do."

"You…do?"

"I'm not going to repeat myself."

And suddenly, she was smiling—beaming, in fact. She couldn't remember smiling so widely, so freely—she felt lighter than air—she felt like she could _fly_. The dark eyes that she'd come so used to look at seemed to soften just the smallest bit. Her breath caught when his hands came to her face.

For a few moments, his thumb was just stroking her cheek. She leaned into his touch—it was comforting. A warm feeling bubbled up in her chest when he kissed her forehead softly, and then her nose—but it was incomparable to how she felt when he kissed her mouth. She melted into him, eyes shutting tight blissfully.

(_he kind of tasted like late nights and truck rides and ashes._)

This must've been everything the books said—the kiss, the fairytale ending—everything was perfect now—

Her cheeks were flushed when he pulled away. "When will you take the patients out in your truck again? You haven't done that since the mansion burnt down."

"I haven't done it since you—" He stopped mid-sentence, staring at her. She blinked. "I haven't done it since Itachi took you back." (_since she lost her memories._) Her heartbeat quickened as she realized—

"It was too dangerous," she said. "So you ordered me to kill the patients instead."

It wasn't like in the books, where everything came back in a tidal wave—it ebbed back—blurry at first, but slowly remembering more and more. She wasn't sure what triggered the return of her memories, but she was almost ecstatic—she remembered, she _remembered_—

Sasuke must be so happy too.

"I remember, Sasuke." Her eyes were wide. "I _remember_."

His eyes were the softest she'd ever seen them, and if she looked carefully, his lips might've turned upwards by a fraction. "So you do." And although he wasn't glowing the way she was, she could tell, he looked _whole_.

When he kissed her again, she was so happy, she could die.

**

* * *

you're fading  
so quickly…**

* * *

She didn't count the days anymore. She didn't feel the need to. She was perfectly content with where she was and what she had right now.

The happy days were short-lived.

Her dreams didn't come as often anymore. The dreams where she could escape to—they came less and less, but she hardly noticed. It didn't come as a large loss when reality was better.

But there were nightmares, now.

There were people—some unrecognizable, some familiar—reaching out with grimy hands, fingers dragging along her skin. She'd scramble backwards, tripping over her own feet and falling to the ground with a thump. They seemed to multiply, and then merged together into an unidentifiable monster—towering over her, chanting, "You killed me, you _killed_ me!"

It took her four times of experiencing the nightmare to realize that those people were all of the experiments she had terminated.

She didn't tell Sasuke. He was too content right now to be told some bad news again. All he'd ever experienced was bad news. She didn't want that for him.

So she went to see Zetsu herself.

As far as she knew, Zetsu was Pein's personal advisor. He had the most direct influence on him that she was aware of. She was a little fidgety, and her hands had gone clammy, but she gathered up her courage and knocked on the door of his office.

"Sakura. This is a surprise."

"Hi," she said timidly, closing the door behind her as quietly as she can.

"What brings you here today?"

"I, um…I've been wondering." The way he was staring her down with those beady yellow eyes was intimidating. "Our method of removing the pa—experiments. Is there another way, perhaps? Instead of killing them, can't we just move them to a faraway place?" She wrung her hands behind her back, hoping she sounded convincing. It was impossible to read his face. Even now, her legs were just itching to take her back the path she came. This was a bad idea.

Zetsu inspected her carefully. "And why are you asking this?"

(_she didn't want them to die. she felt bad for them. she was just scared._)

"How do you dispose of the bodies?" she asked, instead of answering his question—a very bold and foolish move on her part. "Surely it's the slightest bit suspicious, right?"

"Sasori takes care of them accordingly. He has a—ah, a hobby, I suppose." He scratched his head. "I'm sure it's more of an obsession or fetish, but nonetheless. There's nothing to worry about."

She bit her bottom lip. The only thing keeping her there now was the thought of returning to a bed she was frightened of. "But the experiments could—" She stopped, midsentence. The experiments could what? Escape? Be taken away in that truck and then the boat, to a place beyond that could be even more dangerous than here? Be _happy_?

With a little disappointment, she realized that her expectations were slowly rising. The world wasn't fair. Of course it wasn't. Not all people were equals.

Not everyone could live happily and go shopping in supermarkets.

Zetsu was quiet for a long moment. "The experiments could?" he prompted her.

She swallowed. "Um. Nothing. Never mind. I—I'm sorry for bothering you." Bowing a little, she turned and fumbled for the doorknob, before escaping the room as fast as she could. She couldn't breathe in there.

The corridors were quiet.

* * *

"_These dreams—they mean something, right? I mean, we can somehow pull the things we do in them into our real lives…"_

"_I'm not sure, but it certainly gives us an upper hand if you can heal injuries by the second, and I can blow fireballs." She blinked at the smirk on Sasuke's lips, and couldn't help but smile a little too._

_Because if anything, their dreams meant that they belonged together._

* * *

She began making a bucket list. It wasn't very long, though.

_1. Spend an entire day outside._

The next week, Sasuke wasn't in charge of grocery shopping. That came as a disappointment. Disappointment was a feeling she was getting well acquainted with, but she wasn't sure if that would be considered a good thing.

Since that day, Sasuke had shown no obvious signs of affection. She had only tasted his lips that once—and even the memory of that was quickly slipping away. Memory was a very weak thing, she had learned. But she didn't mind—because as the days passed, she noticed that he slept easier. When she rolled over in bed, she didn't wake him. That must've meant something.

_2. Visit a hospital._

"Sakura." She turned around, blinking in surprise.

"S-Sasori-sama," she said quietly, bowing her head. The scalpel that she was just cleaning was clenched tightly in her hand.

"I don't believe we've ever spoken before." The red-haired man stepped into the clinic, fingers running along her desk. A shiver involuntary ran down her spine. "How are you?"

(_he reminded her of blood._)

"I'm good." She swallowed. Then, remembering her manners, she added, "How are you?"

"Quite well." He inspected her equipment. Just some needles for stitches, scalpels, needles for lethal injection—her supplies were still scarce, but it was already much better than before. "It seems that, though—ah, how do I say this—lately, everything that I've found in the trash has been just that: trash." She nodded slowly, not understanding what he was getting at. "You may or may not have known, but I make life-sized dolls for a hobby. Do you know how I do that?"

She shook her head, breathing in deeply. "How?" Her voice came out hoarse. She suddenly felt very cold.

"Surely, you've noticed how there are two dumpsters in the back?" She nodded. "One is for the trash. The other is for corpses." Again, she nodded. "Every day, I visit the one for corpses and see if there is anything new. But lately, Sakura"—he blinked, long lashes almost looking sultry—"I have been finding nothing but _trash_."

"I"—she swallowed thickly—"I'm sorry if I accidentally placed the bodies in the wrong dumpster—"

"That's not quite what I mean." Sasori picked up a scalpel, turning it so it glinted in the light. "All of the experiments lately have been so…_ugly_."

She gripped her scalpel tighter, holding it to her chest.

(_he was going to hurt her. they've never spoken before, and he was going to hurt her._)

She stumbled backwards when he took a step closer to her. He had placed the scalpel in his hand back on the desk, perfectly parallel to her other tools. "Sakura, you have a…_very_ pretty face."

"T-Thank you."

"Would you like to be part of my collection?"

Her mind whirred—didn't that mean that he wanted to make her into a doll? And didn't that mean—didn't that mean that he wanted to _kill_ her?

"Um, I'm sorry—no thank you—" She took several more steps backwards, bumping into an examination table. Sasori's eyes glinted dangerously as he closed in on her. Why was he doing this? She'd never even done anything to him.

"Why not?" His fingers were deathly cold as he held her chin. "You would be my most prized possession. I have a special spot made, just for you."

"T-There are still more experiments to be taken care of—" She was finding it difficult to breathe. Her eyes went wide. Where was Sasuke? Sasuke had always come to save her before—where was he now? "Sa—Sasuke—"

"Sasuke is out, running errands." He played with a lock of her hair. "He won't be here to save you."

It felt as though a bucket of ice cold-water was dumped onto her head. It was only then that the fear really sunk in—she was helpless really, just helpless and vulnerable and weak and—

"Come with me," Sasori said, taking hold of her arm. "I promise it won't hurt."

Then she let out a bloodcurdling scream.

She couldn't remember ever making such a loud noise in her life—but that was the only thing that she could do. She didn't know who would save her, or if anyone would—after all, Sasuke was the only one she could depend on.

"No one's going to save you, Sakura." His voice felt like a noose around her neck, tying tighter and tighter and she just couldn't _breathe_—

Her scalpel went to the easiest place to access, and lodged right into his collarbone. Sasori let out a long hiss, similar to that of a poisonous snake, and immediately, his hands came to wrap around her neck as that makeshift noose that she felt just moments ago. She choked, grabbing the scalpel from his neck and pulling it out, desperate to get another mark on him. It felt like her trachea was being crushed.

"I was hoping you'd be a good girl and comply," he said, a crazed look on his face. "It would be such a shame to mar you when you could make such a beautiful doll." She struggled to breathe, although she didn't know why she tried—it wouldn't work anyway.

(_this couldn't be the end of her. this couldn't._)

"Wh—why…"

"The question is," he loomed closer, "why _not_?"

She tried to speak again, but she was beginning to feel lightheaded—it was so similar to that time that patient strangled her and dislocated her shoulder—but this time, ten times worse, because Sasori wasn't crazy. Sasori was completely lucid, and he _wanted_ this. She tried to stab him with her scalpel again, but he predicted her move and grabbed hold of her wrist before she could do anything. A little bit of the pressure was lifted from her throat, but his hands were big, and one of them could still easily kill her.

He began to drag her across the room towards the door by the neck. She could only stumble along, choking and gasping the entire way. Why was he doing this? She had followed orders, done as she was told—never once did she go against Akatsuki. So why—?

"Oh," a familiar gruff voice said. Sasori stopped abruptly in the hallway, and she struggled to free herself of his grip. "Found a new toy?"

"Do you have business with me, Kisame?"

"Actually, I do." She wasn't sure whether or not to be glad to see Kisame. With the way he was grinning, he surely wasn't going to help her. And why would he? He only cared about Sasuke, after all. "Pein wants to talk to you. He says the stench coming from your room is getting too unbearable."

(_in the end, she really had no one._)

"My room is already the farthest from everyone else's," Sasori said distastefully.

"Yeah, well, odors tend to go far when they're that of rotting corpses." Kisame wrinkled his nose.

"They're not rotting corpses. They're works of art." His hand was beginning to loosen on her neck, and she was able to breathe more evenly now—but she didn't dare suck in gulps of air like she wanted to, in case he noticed. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she stared at Kisame, wide-eyed—_please save me, please_—

"Well, you don't want to keep him waiting, do you?" Kisame glanced at her. "Unless Sakura is more important? I can tell him you'll be a while, if you like—"

"No," the red-haired man interrupted. "I will see him now." He released her from his grip, and she stumbled back against the wall, clutching her neck and coughing. She saw Sasori approach her, but didn't dare look up—out of everyone in Akatsuki right now, his might be the most maniacal. "I'll fetch you later. I'll give that bruise on your neck time to form first—they'll make such a pretty decoration on your skin." And he swept off.

As the footsteps faded away, all she could do was hold a hand to her trembling mouth. She was crying, and she didn't even notice.

(_for all she knew, she could've been dead by now._)

"You okay?" Kisame peered at her.

She stared at him with wide eyes. "He—he wanted to make me into a doll," she choked out. "He wanted to make me a part of his collection."

"Yeah. I know." The way he spoke sent chills up her spine, because for once, he wasn't grinning, and that mischievous glint in his eyes was gone. "You have to get out of here. It's not safe for you anymore."

"What? Why? What did I do?"

(_what did she do?_)

"I'll explain later. If you don't get going now, you won't get far enough and they'll catch you and kill you for real."

"I—but Sasuke—"

"I already contacted him. Now c'mon, follow me—unless you like the idea of being with Sasori for as long as he lives?" She shook her head wildly. "Right. So come."

She had made a bucket list. Things she wanted to do—not just for Sasuke, but for herself as well. Every day, little by little, she found that she was becoming more and more alive. She didn't know if this was a good thing or bad thing—it seemed to have its ups and downs. When she was just an experiment, just Doctor, there _were_ no ups and downs—there was stability.

_3. Keep Sasuke happy._

She quickly climbed into the backseat of Kisame's car, and they sped away. She didn't even get to admire how bright the sun was shining or how lively the streets were—somehow, it didn't feel right that the world could keep turning when all of this was happening to her. But that was how it worked, wasn't it? No one stopped for others.

"Where's Sasuke?" she asked Kisame after a long while of silence.

"We're meeting him somewhere safe." He sounded grim. She had to turn away from the window so the sun wouldn't blare in her eyes.

"Won't you get in trouble for this?"

"I don't think it's me that you should be worried about right now."

But she couldn't help _but_ worry. It was a new thing—she'd never felt concern for anyone except for Sasuke. But then again, she'd never had much of a chance to. She'd never gotten close to anyone else except for Naruto, but Naruto—well, Naruto was…

She quickly erased the thought from her mind.

"Why are you doing all of this?" Her voice came out quiet, and she stared at her hands in her lap. There was that lump in her throat—she was going to cry again.

_4. Take a picture with Sasuke._

"Good question." Kisame was beginning to regain a little bit of his jovial nature again—that calmed her down a bit. "I suppose…because it's interesting?"

She had nothing to say to that, so she remained quiet.

The car ride was long.

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Sasuke-kun! Did you hear? Kankurou's finally going to be a father!"

**It seems I can never get this bitter taste out of my mouth.**

"Hn."

(_smile._)

"Aren't you happy for him? I mean, after the miscarriage last spring…"

"I'll be happy once we have a child of our own."

**As of late, you've had this sort of look in your eyes—  
But now, I realize it's hope.  
In your own way, you still look forward, don't you?**

"Well. That'll take time, won't it?"

(_breathe. breathe. breathe._)

"It's taking too long."

Laugh. "Patience, Sasuke-kun. Patience."

**Hurting you is the last thing I want to do.**

(_thump. thump. thump._)

* * *

"Sasuke!" She nearly tripped over herself as she stumbled out of the car, not even bothering to close the door behind her.

Sasuke's expression was blank, but after spending so much time with him—she could read him. She could see how his eyes flitted from her to Kisame, and back to her. "Sakura."

Without a doubt, she was feeling relief. This emotion had to be relief. They were by the sea—at the dock that she had visited so many times before. The only difference was that it was bright as day right now—but she didn't take the time to absorb their surroundings. All she could see was Sasuke—her anchor, her grip, her home. He already had his arms held out for her—a little uncharacteristic of him, but that was the last thing she thought of. She all but fell against him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist, shutting her eyes and just _breathing_. Breathing him in.

"Sa—Sasori wanted to kill me," she whimpered into his neck. "He wanted to make me into a _doll_."

"Sh," he hushed, placing a hand on her head and slowly working his fingers through the tangles. She must've looked a mess right then. But it was okay—it'd be okay, she was sure—Sasuke was here—and if things weren't okay when Sasuke was here, then what was?

(_nothing, that was what._)

"You know what it means if Sasori goes after the live ones." She didn't want Kisame to talk. She just wanted a moment to forget.

Sasuke's voice was hard, but his touch was gentle as his fingers combed through her hair. His other arm was secured around her waist, holding her close. "Why made Pein want to get rid of her?"

"I don't know the details, but yesterday, when I was passing by his office, I heard him talking to Zetsu. Zetsu said something about Sakura wanting to let the experiments go free instead of just killing them." Sasuke's hand froze in her hair. She held her breath.

"Is this true, Sakura?" His voice was nothing close to brash or cold, like she expected. Slowly, she nodded, refusing to look up at him. She felt his chest heave with a sigh. "This complicates things. I'm guessing that they wanted to get rid of her because she was becoming a risk to Akatsuki. Am I correct?"

"Probably. What are you going to do now?"

It was silent for a moment while Sasuke thought. "It was Itachi's goal to destroy Akatsuki. But…" His fingers began moving in her hair again. "That won't be my top priority right now."

"Then what will be?"

"Sakura." The way he said it with absolutely no hesitation made her surprised. Her? She was that important to him? "We'll leave the city. We'll leave the country."

Kisame snorted. "You know they'll find you eventually."

"Eventually. But not now."

"You really don't plan things, do you?"

"Why would I, when things aren't going to go my way anyway?"

The way Kisame laughed made her feel a little empty. "You and Itachi have completely different ways of going about things."

"So I've been told. We'll go to Hokkaido. I have some connections—we'll make some fake passports and then move to America. They shouldn't be able to find us there."

"That's what you think."

"If they do, we'll go somewhere else."

"Is that"—she finally pulled away from him so she could look up at him earnestly—"will that be safe? Will—will we be alright like that? I—I'm sorry—this is all my fault, isn't it? If I didn't go to Zetsu that day—if I didn't ask—" She pressed her palms against her mouth to muffle suddenly very staggered breathing.

"It's fine." Sasuke pressed his lips against her forehead in a brief kiss. "It'll be fine. I'll also get a fake birth certificate for you—no one will know you're illegal. We can live a normal life. Sakura, you can—you can be a certified doctor. Go to med school. Work in a hospital."

She stared at him in disbelief. "A hospital?"

"A hospital."

(_that was her dream._)

Never had she thought that she could live a normal life. She had long since abandoned hope for that; she was so far gone and too deep in the pits of hell to turn back. But Sasuke—why was everything possible with Sasuke? It was like he could work miracles.

(_but why not? he could blow fireballs, he could walk on water—why couldn't he do this?_)

Kisame coughed loudly. "You can take my car," he told them. "I'll give you all the money I have on me right now. Don't use Akatsuki's credit card anymore—they'll track you."

"What'll happen to you?" she asked, wide-eyed.

He grinned, sharp teeth glinting in the sunlight. "I'm touched that you care, sweetheart. I'll be fine—I'll say that you mugged me, and headed south."

Without a moment's hesitation, Sasuke caught the car keys that Kisame tossed at him. "I'll keep in touch with you," he said, already switching to his business mode. "Sakura, get in the car."

This time, she climbed into the passenger seat. While she waited for Sasuke and Kisame to finish discussing some last minute things, she played with her fingers, palms cold and clammy. Was it wrong to be excited? They were officially on the run, with Akatsuki at their tails—they could be caught and killed at any moment. Was it wrong to be anticipating the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that? She could be free. She could be legal. She could—she could _live_.

Sasuke opened the car door abruptly, and once he got into his seat, closed it just as hard. Keys turned and the engine roared to life—and she looked out the window at Kisame, who was standing there, looking large and awkward but anything but fearsome.

(_maybe they were few and far between, but there really were kind people out there, somewhere._)

After a moment's contemplation, Sasuke rolled down the window. "Kisame," he called out. The larger man looked at him.

"What are you waiting for? Every second is a second wasted."

Although she couldn't see it, she could hear how solemn Sasuke's expression was. "Thank you."

**

* * *

notes:** will you please tell me if there is a huge number of typos in this? :D

i feel like i've failed you guys somehow…i haven't posted any naruto fanfiction for over a month. i've been dedicated to this fandom for well over two years, and it finally feels like it's slipping away. i see others like this all the time, not updating for months, leaving their readers hanging. i don't want that happening to me, but it is. nothing's coming out anymore. other fandoms are calling to me, and those fandoms have no place on ffn.

now that i've officially killed the mood…i'll post the last chapter on christmas! it'll be my gift to you guys, because i'm not sure if i could prepare a oneshot for then. :)


	12. final exhale

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Sasuke-kun? Are you okay?"

"Hn."

**You've been quiet all day.  
Well, not that you're not normally quiet, but—  
Even this is a little much for you.**

"You can talk to me, you know. We're married, aren't we?"

Sasuke-kun?

"Am I…doing something wrong?"

(_inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale._)

"What do you mean?"

**How can you do any wrong, after all of this?  
You've accomplished your life goal—you're done, Sasuke-kun.**

"We've been trying for months. Why aren't you…?"

"Why aren't I what? Pregnant?"

**You don't have to do anything anymore. It's okay.**

"Yeah."

(_breathe. breathe. inhale—_)

"We probably just haven't got the timing right yet. We'll try again later?"

Grunt. "Hn."

(_—exhale._)

* * *

"Sakura." She looked up from her book, and smiled.

"Welcome back, Sasuke!" He shrugged off his jacket and hung it up. "How was your day?"

"Tiring."

"Would you like me to give you a massage? You look tense."

He smirked in such a manner that it almost seemed too soft to be a smirk—but after all this time, she knew better than to think that he would smile. "Sure." She marked her place in her book and made room for him on the couch. "You said you wanted to try that new Italian restaurant down the street, didn't you?"

She placed her hands on his shoulders accordingly, remembering all of those books on massages that she had read years ago. "Yeah. But aren't we tight on money?"

"I saved up. Would you like to go tonight?"

(_surprises. spontaneity. and dare she say it—happiness._)

"I would love to!"

Later that evening, they walked into the restaurant—looking a little underdressed, but if they were, no one said anything about it. Sasuke had his arm around her waist, protectively, as the waiter led them to their table.

Honestly, she had never imagined a life like this. She wasn't foolish enough to hope for such a thing.

"What are those?"

"These? Olives. Do you want to try one?"

She wrinkled her nose. They were black and beady, and they almost reminded her of Kisame's eyes. "Okay." He poked one with his fork and held it out for her to eat. She chewed it slowly, careful not to bite the seed.

Sasuke watched her, eyes dancing in the candlelight. "So? How is it?"

She looked at him honestly. "I think I hate them more than tomatoes."

**

* * *

YOU'RE GONE.**

_

* * *

five years later;_

Life was harder. Harder, but better.

The busy life of New York was the best place to be, if you were hiding from people. It turned out that she couldn't go to med school or be a doctor—despite her knowledge, she didn't have the prerequisites required. It came as a disappointment, but she had learned to shoulder her disappointments. She had an entire list of them. She worked full time at a convenience store, and when she had time, she would go to the hospital, sit in the waiting area and just watch people go by.

Sasuke, on the other hand, had become an accountant. It was a big demotion, from being a CEO, but that was the best he could do. They lived in an apartment—nothing compared to the Uchiha Mansion—but she couldn't complain. After all, she had Sasuke—and that was more than enough.

She was just about to drift off to sleep when Sasuke suddenly spoke. "Have you noticed anything strange lately?"

"What do you mean by strange?" she mumbled, not sure if she came across as coherent or not.

"Just…anything out of the ordinary."

"I…don't think so." She couldn't bring herself to think too much about it when she was so close to falling asleep. "Why?"

He paused. "Nothing." She felt him shift beside her. "Here. Come closer." Despite everything, it was still a little out of the ordinary for him to initiate such physical contact, so she complied gladly, moving close enough to feel his body heat. His arm draped around her waist, and she heard him release a small sigh, as if content.

(_his smell brought such comfort to her._)

"Don't leave me, Sakura."

In her grogginess, she could only smile softly.

"I don't know why I would."

* * *

"_I—I'm scared. I don't like being scared."_

"_Being scared is a good thing. It means that you still have something left to lose."_

* * *

She woke up feeling melancholic.

Her dream hadn't been a nice one—not that she could ever remember them anyway. It was filled with pain and anguish. Trying to rid herself of these thoughts, she attempted to move out of Sasuke's grasp so she could get ready for the day. She felt his hold around her waist tighten, though.

"Sasuke?" She peered at him curiously, and watched his eyes flutter open. "Sorry. Did I wake you?"

"It doesn't matter. I was going to get up eventually anyway. Did you have a bad dream?"

"What makes you think that?"

"You rarely wake before I do." He didn't smile, but his eyes were soft. She'd never tire of his kindness. "Was it scary?" One of his hands came to brush a lock of hair out of her eyes.

She shook her head. "No—just…sad."

"Sad?"

"And empty. It was just…so lonely."

Years, and they couldn't find the connection between their dreams and real life. They'd gone to a variety of people in a variety of different professions, asking if it had ever happened before, but all of them were dead ends. Personally, she didn't mind much if they never knew why they could walk on water. But Sasuke—Sasuke was dying to know.

"You're not alone here." He drew her closer, until her face nestled into the crook of his neck. She breathed in his musky scent. "I'm here."

She smiled against his skin. "I know."

They remained that way only for a few minutes, before Sasuke moved away and out of bed. "You should get ready too."

He dropped her off at the convenience store first, before heading off to work himself. Sighing, she pushed open the doors and signed in for work. There was this one boy she worked with—younger than her by several years, and only working for the duration of the summer before school started again. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, and was always smiling—it reminded her of a friend she had, a long time ago.

"Morning, Sakura!"

She smiled at him, waving before heading in the storeroom in the back. "Morning, Anthony."

On her bucket list of four things, she had three done.

_1. Spend an entire day outside._

Sasuke had taken her to Central Park one day with a packed lunch. They spent the entire day there, walking around, sitting in the grass—and even now, she could still remember the ladybug that had crawled up her leg, and the way the wind and sun felt on her skin at the same time. Sasuke had surprised her and also had a thermos full of hot chocolate.

_2. Visit a hospital._

She went to the hospital whenever she could. The nurses knew her well, and they all knew she had the ability to become a doctor. There was one nurse that she liked talking to—Yamanaka Ino. A bit of a chatterbox, but she was an honest girl, and she liked listening to her stories.

Sometimes, she wanted to help out down in the ER, but she wasn't allowed down there—and even if she was, she wouldn't have the authority to help anyone out. But she did talk to the patients—she liked to think it was some sort of therapy or patient support. Sasuke never once objected to what she was doing, so she figured it was a good thing.

_3. Keep Sasuke happy._

Little by little. It was happening, little by little.

She'd seen him at his worst. When Kisame told him the truth about Itachi, when she was kidnapped by Itachi—it was funny, how one man could make someone feel so much. Sasuke broke incredibly easily, she had noticed—one touch and he'd fall apart.

But now, things were better. There was more life in his eyes. Maybe he wasn't letting go of their past or of Akatsuki—but he was learning to live with it. And that was always a start.

There'd be the day when Sasuke would return though, and burn that organization down. He'd avenge his brother.

_4. Take a picture with Sasuke._

Despite requesting this for several years, Sasuke had still refused. He didn't like cameras, for some reason. When she asked him why, he said it was because he said he hated reminiscing. There was nothing to remember, if he didn't have it now.

"Even Naruto?" she had asked.

He had momentarily closed his eyes, as if remembering something painful. "He isn't gone," he had said. "He's still here."

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

"Sasuke-kun? Um, can we…can we talk?"

**I can't believe this is happening.  
After everything we've gone through, I can't believe it.**

"Are you okay, Sakura?"

Sniff. "Yeah. It's just—yeah, I'm fine."

(_breathe. breathe. breathe._)

"Calm down. What's wrong?"

"I—I"—gasp—"Remember when I went to the hospital to get myself checked up?"

"Just tell me, Sakura."

**It's just not fair. After all we've had to endure, this just isn't fair.**

"I…I'm sterile, Sasuke-kun. I can't—I can't have children."

(_thump, thumpthump, thumpthumpthump—_)

"I'm sorry—I'm so sorry—"

Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke.

_Sasuke-kun._

**I never thought I'd be one to let you down.  
Are you disappointed in me, Sasuke-kun? Angry?  
Are you going to abandon me?**

"Sa…Sasuke-kun?"

**Your kindness hurts.**

"It's alright. It's not your fault."

Choked laugh. "This is completely unlike you, y'know. Before, you would've just found another woman—"

"There _is_ no other woman, Sakura. It's just you."

"D-Don't be silly…"

(_breathe. breathe. god dammit, just _breathe_._)

"I don't want anyone else. I'm tired. I'm done."

**You're beautiful, even when you're falling from grace.**

"Are you okay, Sasuke-kun?"

"I just…I just want to rest. I want to sleep."

(_breathe._)

Smile.

"Then let's sleep."

(_thump. thump. thump._)

* * *

"Sakura!" She looked up from the cup ramen that she was placing onto the shelves to find Anthony with his hands cupped around his mouth as an amplifier. "You have a visitor!"

Which was odd. She'd never gotten a visitor before. It wouldn't be Sasuke, because he'd come to pick her up enough for Anthony to know that he wasn't a mere visitor. So who could it be? Placing the final cup ramen onto the shelf, she headed over to the counter.

Who she saw made her stop dead in her tracks.

"Hello, Sakura." Zetsu smiled pleasantly. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

The blood drained from her face. _Sasuke._ Where was Sasuke? She had a cell phone now, but it was in her bag in the back—

"Zetsu-sama." She bowed her head a little in greeting. Old habits died hard. "Hello."

"May I speak to you outside?" He glanced over at Anthony, who was politely reading a magazine—but she knew him for long enough to know that he was listening. He'd always been a curious one. "This is more of a…private matter."

She shook her head, maybe too quickly. "I'm sorry. I'm—I'm working." Going outside meant surrendering herself to him. She couldn't do that.

(_he didn't own her anymore. he couldn't hurt her without getting in trouble._)

"It's okay, Sakura!" Anthony grinned. "I'll watch over the place! You won't take long, right?"

"Of course it won't take long." She found it horrifying, how easily Zetsu could act normal, and blend right in. When did he learn English? Were all the members of Akatsuki fluent in several languages? That'd make sense, wouldn't it—considering they were a famous organization to the world, despite being corrupted behind closed doors.

"No, really—I'm busy. Maybe another time?" They were here. Akatsuki was here. They were going to get her and Sasuke and kill them—or even worse, wipe her memory with some new drug and use her again. Her eyes flitted around in a paranoid fashion. There was an exit in the back, and a window in the bathroom—if needed, she could break that and escape that way—

"Of course. I'll catch you another time, then." Zetsu smiled. "I'm sorry for interrupting your work."

"No, it's fine." She managed to return his smile.

The moment he left, she spun on her heels and raced to the back. Her fingers fumbled with the zipper of her bag and the buttons on her phone—by the time she had it pressed to her ear and waiting for Sasuke to pick up, her eyes were wide and frantic, breathing heavy.

"Sakura?" Just hearing Sasuke's voice on the other end made the heavy weight on her heart ease up a little.

"Sasuke—they—Zetsu-sama—" She couldn't even form coherent sentences.

"Zetsu? Are you safe? Where are you right now?"

"Still at work. I told Zetsu-sama I was busy, but he said he'd come back later—does this mean that all of Akatsuki's here? Are they going to kill us?"

"We'll be fine, Sakura. Stay where you are. I'll come pick you up and we'll find a way to beat them."

"Beat them? Why do we have to beat them?" Her grip tightened on her phone, palms slick with sweat. "Can't we run?"

"They'll follow us no matter where we go. Don't worry. I'll handle this. Stay where you are—I'm coming." He hung up before she got a chance to respond. Still in shock, her hand slowly fell from her ear, the phone loose in her grip.

Five years. They had been building this life for five years—and in a mere two minutes, all of it came crashing down.

"I'm sorry, Anthony—I have to leave early today." She came out of the back room with her bag on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" He frowned. "You look pale."

She managed a tight smile. "I've always been pale. I'm fine." But that didn't stop the way she shifted her weight on her feet or the way she flipped her phone open and shut while she waited for Sasuke to come.

It was the first time she had seen him so frazzled. His unruly hair seemed more disheveled than usual, and he was panting, as if he ran. The moment he pushed open the door to the convenience store, she was overcome with the urge to just collapse and cry. "Sasuke…" She covered her mouth, trying her best to swallow the lump in her throat.

"It's okay, Sakura. It's okay." He rushed over and pulled her into him in a tight hug. "Sh. It's okay."

"Um…are you guys okay?" In Sasuke's momentary panic, he had switched to Japanese, leaving Anthony confused.

"We're fine." Sasuke released her and took her by the hand, his touch gentle. "We'll be off now." She had to keep her eyes on her feet as they left. She couldn't look at Anthony. In front of him, she'd always been the one who taught him, who showed him the different tasks at the store—a friend, someone to talk to during the empty and boring hours of the day. He knew nothing of her past, of who she was—_what_ she was.

(_but what was she, really? human. she was normal. she wasn't like _them_._)

* * *

"_Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to fly?"_

_Sasuke looked at her over the rim of his glasses. "Why would you wonder about something that's clearly impossible?"_

* * *

Her heart jumped to her throat. _No._

They were there, waiting at their apartment door. Not waiting outside the building—they were _right at their door._

They were all there. Pein, Zetsu, Tobi, Sasori, Kakuzu—they were all there. She knew Konan was most likely around too, but Pein had never been one to risk her safety—she was probably somewhere, waiting.

"Where's Kisame?" she whispered. She almost didn't want to know.

"We took care of him," Pein said expressionlessly. "When we traced his phone calls, we discovered that they all led to one suspicious individual."

She felt Sasuke tense beside her. "What have you done to him?"

Tobi laughed, and formed his hand into the shape of a gun. "Bang, bang!" She had never seen Tobi around much, as he was always out running errands for the others. She never thought of him as an overly terrible person—but she'd been proven wrong yet again.

She didn't even have the energy to cry anymore. "But…" But what? So what if Kisame helped them? So what if he was a good person?

(_life wasn't like the fairytales that she always read about._)

"Uchiha Sasuke. You are unarmed, and against five armed men. We suggest you surrender. Do not make this messy for us." Pein stepped forward, a gun already in his hand and held up, pointed right at Sasuke's head. Her eyes widened—why was it that even now, she still couldn't do anything?

"Unarmed?" Upon looking up at him, she found him smirking. How could he possibly be _smirking_ in a situation like this? "I think not."

It was true that both Sasuke and Sakura had a gun. But they were both inside, tucked under their pillows—they weren't on them right now. She'd never thought that she'd live to see the day where she wished she had one, just waiting to be used.

It was only when Sasuke's hands moved in rapid movements that she realized what he was planning to do.

"But the apartment—" They were standing in the hallway, with several other people living around them. They couldn't destroy a place like this.

If Sasuke heard, he showed no sign of stopping. Within seconds, he had one hand cupping his lips, and a searing heat erupted, headed straight for the five men. She squeaked and held her arms up to protect her face.

Sasuke's fireball had caught them off guard without a doubt, and he didn't waste time grabbing her wrist and pulling her down the hall and towards the stairs. She stumbled to keep up with his pace, racing down the steps, faster and faster and oh God she was going to trip and fall—

The lobby of their apartment passed by in a blur, and suddenly, they were outside—running, running faster—but despite the crowd that they were disappearing in, why did it feel like they were still right on their tails?

She glanced over her shoulder once, and swallowed. Right. That was why.

"Sasuke—they're right behind us—"

"All of them?"

She looked back again. "Tobi's gone—"

"Good. That makes one of them. Don't stop running!" His grip only tightened on her wrist, and she stared hopelessly at the back of his head as she ran. Her legs were aching, her lungs were burning.

Why was Sasuke doing this? Wasn't it just her they wanted? If he let her go right now, then he could escape—

"Sasuke—just"—she couldn't believe she was saying this—"just let me go."

His steps didn't even falter. "Absolutely not."

She never thought she'd ever be willing to sacrifice herself for someone else. She'd read all about it in the books—where someone loved someone else to the point that they'd be willing to give up their own lives for them. It was a stupid, and she promised herself that she'd never do it—

But she wanted to do it. She wanted to.

(_because she _was_ human._)

"Sasuke—it's not you they want, it's me—"

"It's not, Sakura!" If he had the chance to, he'd be glaring at her right now. "The moment I chose to take you away, they wanted us both! Both of us pose the same threat to them now—so don't you _dare_ say that they only want you!"

"The police—we should go to the police—"

"And _what_? Risk the chance of you being executed?"

(_why was he going so far for her? he could easily escape if it wasn't for her—_)

Even now, she couldn't fathom his love.

She nearly tripped and fell flat on her face when Sasuke suddenly turned a sharp corner and pulled her down a flight of stairs, underground and into the subway terminal. It was the middle of the day, so not many people were there—just an elderly lady and a businessman, probably late in returning from his lunch break.

"You!" Sasuke shouted at the businessman. "Take that woman and go, if you don't want to get hurt!" It came as a surprise to her that he would take the safety of others into consideration—but she didn't get the chance to revel in it, because footsteps echoed all around them. She stared in horror as the remaining four members of Akatsuki came down the stairs, along with several men dressed in black, all armed with guns.

Was that even considered fair?

"Sakura," Sasuke said slowly, voice low, "stand back." He pulled something out of his pocket—a pocketknife. The one Naruto killed Hidan with.

"But you can't take all of them on," she whispered. "Even with your fire—"

"I said _stand back_!"

There wasn't much she could do anyway, because at that point, her legs gave out from under her, and she collapsed to the ground, vision blurry with tears.

She heard gunshots, but she didn't want to look. To see Sasuke get hurt was the last thing she wanted. She'd seen the worst of injuries—gangrene, crushed bones, destroyed livers—but the thought of Sasuke's blood being spilt made her want to vomit.

Sudden searing heat, and some of the men in black were on fire.

"Sa…kura?"

For a full second, her heart stopped beating. She had been so afraid that it was Sasuke who had choked out her name—but Sasuke's voice was deeper than that. She whipped her head around, eyes wide.

"_Anthony?_"

"What's going on?" The blonde boy looked around. "What's happening? That's the guy who came to talk to you this morning, wasn't it?"

She scrambled to her feet. "You have to get out of here. Go—go get the police or something, please!" She didn't care if they found out she was illegal. She didn't care anymore—she hated seeing Sasuke like this, fighting. He could've lived a peaceful life. He could've been _happy_. If it wasn't for Akatsuki—if it wasn't for _them_, he wouldn't have to go through all of this—

"But what about you?" Anthony asked frantically. "Let's get Sasuke and run!"

"We _can't_!" She didn't realize that she was crying until now. "We just—we just _can't_, Anthony, please—just go get help…"

(_it wasn't supposed to be this way._)

Gunshots. Grunts. More fire.

Was Sasuke okay?

Pein's voice was startlingly clear above all the noise. "There's a kid, Kakuzu. Kill him."

"Quick! Go!" She gave him a shove for good measure, and with one more uncertain glance at her, he took to the opposite flight of stairs on the other side of the terminal. One gunshot sounded, and then two—and he crumpled, just a few feet away from his destination.

Her legs moved of their own accord, and before she realized it, she was kneeling in front of him, rolling him so he was facing skywards. He had his hand pressed against his side, all bloody and shaking. Good. He wasn't hit in a vital spot.

"Anthony? Anthony, look at me!" Those blue, blue eyes seemed so empty, so haunting. She held her hands over his wound, unsure. She hadn't tended to anyone ever since she arrived in New York. She wasn't sure if this was still going to work.

But sure enough, the warm, green glow enveloped her hands as she willed his wound to heal. It was working. He wasn't going to die.

"I'm very interested in those magic tricks that you and Sasuke have up your sleeves." Her blood ran cold when she felt something press to the back of her head. She knew the voice and the feeling well enough to know that it was a gun. "Tell me, how do you do it?"

She ignored him, and concentrated on fixing Anthony. She knew she was nothing up against Kakuzu, let alone all of Akatsuki—but this, she could do. She wasn't a fighter—she was a healer.

"What is this?" Anthony grinned weakly, staring at her working hands. "How do you do that?"

"Just a little trick I picked up during my travels." Good. She stopped the bleeding. "Is there any other place that hurts?" He shook his head. "Do you think you can stand?"

"Don't think you're going anywhere." Kakuzu pressed the gun harder against the back of her head.

"Sakura!" Sasuke's voice echoed all around her. "Don't do anything stupid!"

She smiled wryly. That didn't make much difference now—all she'd ever done was stupid things. "I promise," she said, holding up her hands, "that this kid won't tell anyone anything he saw today. So just let him go."

Kakuzu didn't even laugh. "I'm under the orders to kill him."

"Do you have some drugs on you? You could wipe his memory. That seemed to work pretty well on me, didn't it?" It was amazing, how some adrenaline and desperation could make her say such bold things to a man she had feared for so long.

"Maybe I should kill you first," Kakuzu mused, ignoring her question. "Would you like that? Then you wouldn't have to watch your little friend die."

Footsteps sounded. Just by their speed, their volume—she knew it was Sasuke. "Sakura!"

"Don't move, Sasuke," Kakuzu said sharply. "Or I'll shoot her."

She wasn't looking, but she knew it was Pein who was speaking. "Don't you think it's about time you two gave up? You're completely outnumbered, and only one of you has the ability to fight."

(_it was over, wasn't it? it was over._)

Gathering all of the courage she had, she turned around, even with Kakuzu's gun right at her head. "Please," she begged Pein, "let Anthony go."

The only thing she ever liked about the orange-haired man was that never once did he have that maniacal expression to him like all of the other Akatsuki members did. "That'll pose as too much of a risk," he said calmly. "I can't allow that."

"Wipe his memory. He doesn't have to know about this. _Please._"

"Sakura, he's just a boy—"

"He's _not_ just a boy, Sasuke! Everyone I care about _dies_, did you notice? Naruto, Hibiki—Anthony, and now you! You have _three guns_ pointed at you! Three!" She was hysterical now. There were so many emotions flashing in Sasuke's dark eyes that she couldn't figure out even one of them.

It was silent for an agonizing moment, and Pein walked toward her and Anthony—who by now, she noticed, was whimpering, almost inaudibly.

"It's only because of this woman that I'm letting you go," he said slowly—sending a ripple of murmurs among the other members. "But I know your face, kid. If anything happens to us, it's on you."

Anthony stared frantically at her, then Pein, then back at her. Then he nodded, struggling to get to his feet.

He had an entire life ahead of him. He had a future. He had a family, an education, a home—he had the opportunities that she was never going to get. She smiled a little, knowing that he could use his potential.

"You should wash your clothes before your mom sees that blood," she told him. "Use bleach."

"But—but what about you…?"

"Don't worry about me." She smiled. "I'll be fine." She was sure that she didn't sound very convincing, but that was the least she could do. The footsteps of Anthony echoed around her, until they eventually disappeared altogether.

Silence again.

(_now what?_)

"So," Pein said, breaking the tension, "shall we finish this?" And without waiting for an answer, he held his gun out at Sasuke and shot.

She was going to scream when Sasuke fell, but then she realized that he just ducked. The sigh of relief came whooshing from her lips too quickly, and she could only squeak when he roughly yanked her to her feet and pulled her to the stairs that Anthony had just taken. They didn't waste a moment to begin shooting, and she couldn't help but flinch when she heard the bullets make contact with the cement.

They couldn't beat them after all. All they could do was run.

Suddenly, Sasuke's feet gave out from under him and he fell, pulling her down with him. He kneeled on the stairs, swearing through clenched teeth.

"Sasuke?" She shook his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"My leg—fix it—"

But there wasn't time. She couldn't fix a bullet wound in mere seconds.

(_this was impossible. absolutely impossible._)

It was clear that Pein was tired of chasing them around, because his features were tense. He walked right up to them, gun pointed right at Sasuke's head.

"Sakura—run—"

Pein gave him no time. "Goodbye, Uchiha Sasuke."

(_they were going to die._)

A single gunshot pierced through the air. She choked on herself.

But Sasuke was breathing. She coughed violently, slumping onto him, feeling nothing but utter relief. Sasuke was breathing.

"Sakura? Sakura!"

She positioned her hands over the wound on his leg, breathing haggard. She could do this. She could do this.

(_breathe. breathe. breathe._)

"I"—she coughed violently, tasting blood—"I stopped the bleeding. You should—you should go—" Another gunshot.

"Sakura!"

She felt someone else kneeling down beside her, and a cold hand grasped her chin. She saw a flash of red. Sasori. "It's a shame. My pretty doll isn't very pretty anymore."

"Move away, you little shit!" The hand left her chin. "Sakura! Stay with me!"

She couldn't even feel the pain. Her body had gone into shock. She was having trouble breathing—they probably got her lung. The second shot—she wasn't sure where it landed, but it didn't matter to her much. She smiled softly. "Hi, Sasuke. Hey—will you…take a picture with me?" Her vision was fading.

(_inhale. exhale. inhale—_)

"No pictures." His voice was hoarse. "You're not dying."

She would've laughed, but she choked on her own blood. "You're funny…"

"That wasn't a joke!"

"It's okay…I wasn't supposed to exist in the first place…anyway. But you can do…great things, Sasuke. Go…kick their asses."

"Don't close your eyes, Sakura, don't you _dare_ close your eyes!" It felt good, to be able to do something for once. "Sakura! Sakura, I lo—"

(_…exhale._)

* * *

(_thump. thump. thump._)

**You don't realize how beautiful you are when you sleep, Sasuke-kun.  
I wonder what you dream about? Do you dream about me?  
Itachi? Naruto?**

Fingertips against skin.

(_smile._)

**It's hard to believe someone like you endured all of that.  
You, who looks like nothing more than a child when you sleep.**

"No matter what, Sasuke-kun…"

**Well. I suppose I should sleep too.**

"As long as you don't give up on me…"

**I'll see you in my dreams.**

"I won't give up on you either."

(_thump. thump. thump._)

* * *

She woke to the feeling of lips on her eyelids.

"Sasuke-kun…?"

Her husband's expression was nothing short of blank, but she knew him better than that. "Sakura."

She smiled, and shifted into a more comfortable position. "What are you doing up? It's still dark."

"I was thinking…"

"About what?" The wind was blowing loudly outside; she could hear every single grain of sand hitting their window.

"Adoption."

Silence. "Adoption?"

"Our child won't have the Sharingan or our genes, but…it'll still be our child. Won't it?" In the darkness, she could barely make out the black of his eyes—but the way he spoke made her tremble a little. "He doesn't have to be a shinobi. He can be…a teacher."

Taking his face into her hands, she kissed him, all warmth and gentleness. "Of course," she said softly. "Do you want to adopt?"

Pause. "Only if you do."

She smiled. "Then I don't mind."

His fingers brushed her cheeks. "You were crying in your sleep."

Surprised, she brought her hand up to her face. It was damp. "Oh. So I was."

"Bad dream?"

She tried to remember, but found that she couldn't. Which wasn't surprising—not many could remember their dreams anyway. "It doesn't matter," she said, pulling the covers tighter around them, and snuggling into his chest.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. It's just a dream, after all."

**

* * *

notes:** IT'S DONE!

i have mixed feelings about finishing this. for one, i am so glad, because at points, it was so difficult to write this fic. but at the same time, it'll be so sad for me to not get your encouraging reviews anymore. D: i really had fun writing this, guys. thanks so much for all of the support—this has been my most well-received fic yet.

whether or not you celebrate christmas, happy holidays! let's end this year with a bang, ne?

p.s. YOU'VE JUST BEEN MINDFUCKED. :D oh, and if you don't really get what's going on, read the last scene over a few times? i really wanted to make you guys think, so if you don't understand it right away, please don't review, asking what happened. i'll be very disappointed in you!

EDIT: a lot of you are saying this is like inception…and i finished writing this fic before the movie even came out. PREMONITION, MUCH? (btw, thanks so much for all of your lovely reviews! :D)


End file.
